aroacearborvitae:

arokaladin:

I remember posts like this being helpful when I was questioning so I thought it might be good to make a checklist of sorts for The Aro Experience:

• not picking up on your friend’s crushes
• not understanding the appeal of kissing
• thinking about your future and being excited to live alone/with friends rather than immediately thinking about marriage
• being annoyed or grossed out by romance in the media
• alternatively, seeing romance in the media as formulaic, saying things like ‘these two characters will kiss once then break up I can tell from the portrayal of their first interaction’ rather than getting emotionally invested.
• choosing not to read/watch something because there is romance
• not getting why people say they want a relationship if they don’t have a crush at the time
• your ideal romantic relationship being suspiciously similar to your ideal friendship when you think about it
• being able to explain your ‘type’ with fashion style, aka caring more about clothes than looks when considering if you find someone attractive
• feeling like your views on relationships are more ‘childish’ than your friend’s views are
• feeling uncomfortable when family or friends ask if you’re dating/like someone, even if their questions aren’t particularly invasive
• assuming other people make up their crushes to fit in or seem cool 
• making your own crushes to fit in, or just mindlessly agreeing that  people all your friends like are ‘hot’ even if you don’t think so
• feeling out of place and like you can’t contribute when your friends talk about crushes and relationships
• thinking people your age are way too young to date, and this view never seeming to change as you get older

This is mostly from personal experience and obviously every aro is different, but hopefully this is helpful.

to add on, since I also found lists like this very helpful when I was questioning:

• you’ve never realized multiple crushes at one time were a thing until someone informed you, and you’re confused how you could juggle several “all-consuming” emotional attachments
• you’re often surprised by romantic developments, both fictional and in real life, and usually say something along the lines of “that came out of nowhere!” “why did they have to go and do that?” etc.
• friends come to you for romantic advice often for your “objective” opinions on their relationships
• you never get why your friend doesn’t just break up with their partner(s) (and if you’re asked for advice, your most common thing to say is break it off), after all why would you stay if it’s not working out? (assuming the relationship is non-abusive)
• also urging friends to confess to crushes to avoid painful pining, because why would you wait?
• or the opposite, urging them to never confess because the crush will fade in time for sure, and that’s the safer route to not mess up the friendship
• for your crushes, you either confess very soon after realizing, to “get it out of the way/it’s out in the open now/avoid needless pining,” or never confess because “unsure of crush/what’s the point/dating is kinda dumb and I’m too young/it could have consequences for our friendship.”
• however, either of those actions are never or almost never because of you wanting to know if they like you back
• it’s difficult to understand why people can’t still be friends after breaking up, even if they’re less close
• interpreting any interest when you want to get close to a person of a different or opposite gender as a crush, then “oh I just want to be friends with them!” then crush again, then friends again, and you can’t decide
• trying to decide the above point by deeply analyzing how physically and emotionally close you get with them, giving it a lot of thought to what you want to do with them in the long-term and not so much what a first date or kiss would look like
• very paranoid about getting too close with people of a different or opposite gender, as you really don’t want others to assume you have a crush, which manifests in acting very overly friendly or very withdrawn only around that friend
• never got the point of truth or dare, always come up with better ones (in your opinion) than everyone else because they weren’t centered on first kisses or crushes
• gen-rated, non-shipping fanfiction seems a bit like a breath of fresh air, and you like reading about the friendships a lot (even if you like romcom shippy fics quite a bit too)
• not understanding why people say they’re lonely when they’re not dating when they have loving friends
• feeling more content to let love/partner(s) come to you in time, rather than seeking people out through parties, friends, dating sites, etc.
• confusion on how kissing works. “do people just lean in and know? what’s the protocol? lips + lips = happy? put some tongue in there and they’re Super Happy??” and you assume you’ll grow out of it, it’s a germ-averse thing, it’ll fade with experience, or you’ll be able to do it once you kiss for the first time/first real time/with True Love™