I’ve just thought of something and it breaks my heart.
As we know, Valjean sings (different versions of) ‘Who am I?’ twice: when he is struggling whether to denounce himself or not and when he confesses to Marius.
Firstly, none of them is about a personality crisis. ‘Who am I?’ is not a question through which Valjean tries to find or refind his identity. He surely knows who he is and that’s the real problem, because he is afraid, ashamed of what he is (was) and tortured by it and he can’t escape from those feelings. The irony of the fate keeps remembering him that.
In the first situation the question Who am I? is about
a choice. It’s more a synonym of the French version Common faire?(What
should I do?) or has the sense of Who should I be?: to remain monsieur
Madeleine, the mayor, or […] to resume
his own name, to become once more, out of duty, the convict Jean Valjean; that
was, in truth, to achieve his resurrection, and to close forever that hell
whence he had just emerged;to fall
back there in appearance was to escape from it in reality. […] He would enter into sanctity only in the
eyes of God when he returned to infamy in the eyes of men. […] Should he remain in paradise and become a
demon? Should he return to hell and become an angel? […] What was to be done? Great
God! what was to be done?
In the second situation the question is more about an assurance. He knows this time there is no going back, there is no escape and
there is no choice. The struggle is bigger not because the decision is harder
to be taken. Quite the contrary. He is more sure than ever what decision he must
take, but it is heart rending, more painful than the last time he had to reveal
himself, because now it’s about Cosette, the only person he loves with all his
heart. He doesn’t ask himself Who am I? anymore, he knows the answer, but this time the question is addressed to Marius and through him, to the entire society. Perhaps the last drop of hope is still in Valjean’s
heart. He wants to say: ‘Now you know the truth, you know my life, my sins. Who am I? In your eyes, who am I?’ And when Marius response: ‘You’re Jean
Valjean’ he understands. He is no more for anyone monsieur Flauchelevent or
Cosette’s father or a father to us both, he is just the convict, the
criminal, the thief. The world didn’t forgive him. (His fortune that he didn’t do anything of what he did for the forgiveness of the world). He is still condamned. This is the final state. And what’s more hurtful is that
Marius says: ‘Monsieur, you cannot leave’ not because he keeps some gratitude for giving me Cosette or respect for Valjean’s honest life in the past 20
years (surely Marius heard about his acts of charity, his faith, his goodness)
but because he doesn’t know what to tell Cosette about his going. It’s good
that he thinks of Cosette, but the way he does it is bad. He agrees too easily
the girl and the man that made her who she is now to be separated like that. I
almost can hear Valjean whispering for himself after Marius’ response: In his
eyes, I see his fear: ‘I do not want you here.’
¯_( ಠ_ಠ)_/¯ 