When I thought I was a cis girl, I definitely felt this way. I thought I was just a tomboy and I wanted smaller boobs because “they’re just easier and look nicer!” and I wanted a penis because “that’d make camping easier!” Once somebody called me “flat” as an insult, and I smiled for the rest of the day. I was really deep in the closet even with myself, so I thought it was normal for girls to want to look more like boys.
Hating your body and finding it gross is pretty common in people with gender dysphoria, but it can also be a sign of something else, like body dysmorphic disorder or even just really bad self esteem. A good mental exercise that helped me figure out whether or not I was trans was thinking about how I really wanted to live my life. In the future, did I want to be a middle-aged woman, or a middle-aged man? Did I want to actually have a flat chest and be able to walk around shirtless without feeling naked, or did I just want smaller boobs? When I was old and wrinkly, did I want a deep voice, a grizzly beard, a big belly? Or did I want a saggy chest, old lady hair, slim limbs? Did I want to die a woman or a man?
While a bit gruesome, this exercise really helped me to realize that even though I had nothing against being a girl socially, I really hated being a girl physically. I was suffering from really intense dysphoria that I kept pushing back. I was trans. I didn’t just want to be a different kind of girl, I wanted to be a guy.
For me, I’ve always known my body was attractive, it just wasn’t right. So I never really considered that it might be a self-esteem issue or BDD. I didn’t just want my body to still be female but different, I wanted a male body.
The reason why I stress this part is that sometimes, people with BDD can focus on sexed body parts (like their boobs), and think, “These need to be larger/smaller) without actually wanting them gone entirely. In that case, that’s not exactly normal for cis girls to deal with, but it’s not being trans either.
If these kinds of feelings are really wearing you down, I would advise you to see a therapist, especially one who deals with gender dysphoria or body dysmorphic disorder. They will be able to help you explore these feelings and see if you’re actually trans or if it’s something else.
I wish you the best of luck with finding yourself out. 🙂
Is it normal for cis girls to hate seeing themselves naked in the mirror as it makes them grossed out but eventually growing used to it and now being unaffected by it? Or hearing someone say to another girl “you’re so flat!” And think “hey that actually sounds nice lol small boobs are more attractive anyways amirite lol XD”?
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