This isn’t realistic for adults. I’m sorry it’s just not.
Don’t fall into believing that, “if they’re a true friend they’ll drop everything and run to be by your side!” crap.
As a responsible adult there will be times that your friends are hurting and you won’t be able to go to them.
There are times that you will have to go to work, or take your sick kid to the doctor, or do many other things that will prevent you from being there for your friend.
When your friend calls you and they’re falling apart and it’s ten minutes until you have to leave for work, you’re not a bad friend for saying, “Look, I love you. I’m sorry this is happening, but I have to go. I’ll call you back tonight when the kids are asleep.” Or “I’m so sorry this is happening. I love you and I want to be here for you but I’ve got to get to work. I’ll call and check on you during my lunch.”
Adult life is hectic and busy with important things all the time and unfortunately it’s also full of shitty things happening to people we love.
Do your best to be there for the people you love and ask for support when you need it but be understanding when being a responsible adult comes before helping you.
The idea that people need to be there any time you need them is really damaging and unhealthy, too. You can’t place value on a person or a relationship based solely on whether or not they’re available, no questions asked, whenever you need them.
In addition to the above: sometimes, someone simply does not have the energy to help. Maybe they’re coming out of a rough patch themself, maybe they have been busy all day,maybe a chronic illness is flaring up. There are a myriad of reasons someone may not be able to be there.
Obviously, if someone is taking you for granted, and never seems to care how you’re doing, that’s an issue. But to write someone off because their life and your life didn’t line up quite right at a given point in time, or maybe even on more than one occasion, is not a healthy way to handle things.
In my experience, people who have the OP’s attitude rarely reciprocate when the shoe is on the other foot.
When I was a teenager, my best friend acted like that. I would drop everything to “be there” for him during every teenage crisis. I would stay up until 4 am, IMing with him, comforting him over every bruise to his ego.
When I grew a little older and a little wiser, I began setting some boundaries. It wasn’t because I didn’t care about him, but because I began to realise that it was unhealthy. I was also dealing with mono, which eventually turned into a two years of me literally spending 90% of my time on the couch because I didn’t have the stamina to do basic human things. Even getting dressed was a struggle. Not surprisingly, my mental health took a dive off a cliff as well. It was hell.
Funnily enough, when I needed help, he wasn’t there.
He decided that because I was going through my own shit and I literally couldn’t do anything, that meant that I didn’t care. He was a fan of dramatically unfriending people on FB, while making a status along the lines of “I just unfriended a bunch of people whom I’ve come to realize don’t care about me. If you’re still here it’s because you’re one of my few, true friends”- which he did to me, and another spoonie friend of ours at our high school.
He came crawling back a few times, but I’d gotten very, very tired of his behavior. Around this time I reconnected the aforementioned spoonie, and she’s now been my best friend for 10 years. One of the reason that our relationship has stayed strong is we have no problem saying to the other, “I’m sorry, but I need to raincheck. Low spoon day.” And we know that the other has our back, even if we can’t spend hours texting or drop everything for the other.
TL;DR: OP’s mindset is abusive. Don’t be like OP.
If someone isn’t available during your most crucial time, then their presence any other time is useless.
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