Executive dysfunction gothic
– You have to shower. You cannot shower. You are standing right in front of the shower. You want to shower. You cannot shower.
– The meeting begins. “Did everyone see the email?” There is a chorus of nodding heads. You nod, too. You think you may possibly have checked an email account before, on one single occasion, at some unknown time, probably in a past life.
– You are hungry. You have been hungry for three days now. The hunger has not spontaneously resolved itself. How inconvenient, you think. How rude.
– You depend on your planner/calendar. You loathe your planner/calendar. You can’t function without it. You live in constant fear of it. It’s an unhealthy relationship. You think you both should start seeing other people.
– There is a pile on your floor. It is a treasure trove, the Room of Requirement. It has everything. You look for something specific. It has nothing. There was never any pile.
– There’s been a change of plans, they say. You don’t understand. They repeat: “there’s been a change of plans.” You don’t understand. The mere suggestion causes a buzzing in your head that drowns out everything else. You don’t understand.
– You’re in class and you don’t understand the lecture. You look back at your past notes. You look at a calendar. You have not been to class in two weeks. You have no memory of this supposed time. Where did it go? Why did it leave?
– “Organizational tips for success: Keep a planner! Write it down! Stick to a schedule! Make a list!” You are torn between deranged laughter and ugly crying. You choose both.
I am blown away by the response to this post. Seriously, if you’re feeling alone, read the notes. I had no idea that other people would identify so hard with this???
I was just sitting there, doing nothing as usual, when I realized how much of my literal everyday experience reads like a bad meme, and I slapped this together. And now people are commenting that it’s not even gothic, this is literally how it is, and it’s so nice to hear that? because these were all based on things that had actually happened to me personally in the last two weeks alone. And I’m just so glad I’m not the only one.
Executive functioning issues don’t get much attention– whether because it’s not usually a household term, or because psych people can’t seem to decide whether it’s a diagnosis or a symptom or whatever. And it’s a totally foreign concept for people who don’t experience it– like, just get up. you know how to do that.
But guys. We’re not alone. Our experience may be weird as hell, a literal meme, but we’re not the only ones. and idk that gives me so much hope? (I say wearing pajamas at 7pm having not left my room all day. but baby steps.)
so come on. let’s go. These tasks of Doing Things and Being Human are daunting but we’re gonna do it together and we’re gonna crush them.
[that said… @ those of you saying you first read it as erectile dysfunction: NO]
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