Relationships get so bananas when you start deciphering the other person’s love language.
Like I thought I was just acquaintances with this person because they never told me details about themselves and we just talked movies and writing . But then they made time to have coffee with me and they showed up out of breath because they ran. Like. RAN to be on time for coffee with me?
And I was like “i don’t mind waiting” cause I never want to run
But they said they wanted every minute they could get because I’m so busy usually
Which is when it clicked that I didn’t get how much they considered me a friend because I just straight away didn’t see MY signs of affection in them and went “cool! Casual buds it is.” But now that I’m seeing their signs of affection, I feel a little silly for dismissing them like that even though I felt like we could be best bros.
Anyway, some people show affection through time or intensity or commitment and not vocally. I really have to remember that!
Fyi- just in case you didn’t know.
TOUCH got a bro that likes to give high fives? Back slaps? Are they a hugger? Do they not blink an eye at cuddles?
QUALITY TIME this bro will (as op stated) sprint to spend every minute possible with you. Every second that you guys are together is a declaration of affection.
WORDS does your bro tell you how amazing and great and fantastic and wonderful you are all the time? Guess what…?
GIFTS do they buy you coffee? Snacks, energy drinks, spot you at the restaurant? Did that one key chain removed you of them? Ding ding!
ACTS are they always doing things for you? Ie: Nah bro, I got this, I can do that, need me to get anything for you, I can help with…?
PRO TIP – The way people show love is often how they receive love as well.
All this BUT I would disagree with the last pro tip! You have to be careful because that is what is confusing about love languages! The way someone expresses affection and the way they enjoy receiving affection can differ, sometimes drastically.
When considering love languages, there are five things you should figure out and keep in mind when in any kind of relationship.
1 – How do you express your affection?
2 – How do you enjoy receiving affection?
3 – How does your partner express their affection?
4 – How does your partner enjoy receiving affection?
5 – In what ways are each of those similar, where do they overlap, and how can each of you best express affection in a wholesome and fulfilling way?
For those of you in poly relationships, the list keeps going for each person in the relationship. Don’t leave anyone out!
Find these out, and then put these findings into practice!
But also remember, the most important thing in any relationship is open, honest, and frequent communication. Have times set aside where you can have serious and open conversations about affection, emotional fulfillment, and relationship guidelines.
Equally important is trust, both for yourself and for your partner(s). Trust your partner(s) enough to tell them the truth about your feelings while you are feeling them. Trust that they are doing what they can to fulfill your needs, and trust that they will be open to your feelings on how they might be able to improve.
Without trust and communication, a relationship quickly turns into a battle between the involved parties. And that isn’t fun for anyone involved.
TL;DR: The ways people express and receive affection often differ. Find these out for every party in a relationship and apply that on a foundation of honest trust and open communication.
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