Me: *thinking about Christian memes* What if Jesus had come in 2017 instead of back during Roman times? Would He, instead of using parables, have spoken in memes?
Roommate: I hate you. You aren’t allowed to have any more thoughts about Jesus.
Me: It’s not like its heresy! It isn’t insulting!
Roommate: Yes, it is! Memes are inherently sin, a sign of the Devil’s influence on this fallen world!
Satan: turn these stones into bread
Jesus: bold of you to assume that man can live on bread alone
a fig tree out of season: *no figs*
jesus: then perish
Ok but from a purely theological standpoint, based on the way Jesus communicated (he talked in ways that would be understandable to at least some extent by the general public, and had a lot of respect for children)…
Theologically speaking, Jesus would almost certainly have spoken in memes.
“Whenever you crack open a cold one with the boys in my name, there I be in your midst”
listening to michael bublé’s aggressively heterosexual cover of “santa baby” and every new word he uses instead of “baby” takes a month off my life
One of the rare cases where reading the YouTube comments makes it better
“Santa poppy” because we all know that he or his writing team initially must have thought “Santa daddy” but someone was like “wait no that could be interpreted sexually, but let’s still keep the weird paternal line and change it to something less sexy.”
I always leave the door open for questioning and uncertainty here, and so does the majority of the aro and ace oriented positivity I see. And there’s good reason for that – not because it’s somehow any worse to make a mistake with aspec labels as opposed to any other ones, but because absolutely everybody deserves an environment where they can change their label freely. That way, nobody feels pressured to stick with anything that feels wrong for them.
But I also want to state that you are under no obligation to continually question yourself or agonize over it – you’re allowed to be sure that you’re aro or ace. You don’t have to hedge all the time. You don’t have to keep one foot out the door in perpetuity, just in case some random, unforseen circumstance changes things.
So a couple years ago, I had to rewrite a few scenes from a book in Shakespeare style, but without iambic pentameter because my teacher was kind, and obviously I chose Les Mis.
I hope you enjoy it for Barricade Day!!
Act I Scene I
Darkness Surrounds Grantaire
A street behind a barricade
ENJOLRAS: Grantaire, go sleep away the wine that cloudeth thy mind. Tis a place for intoxication, not drunkenness. Dishonour the barricade not.
GRANTAIRE: Thy speech alone is enough to chase away the clouds inside my mind. Thou must know I believe in thee.
ENJOLRAS: Leave me.
Grantaire: I prithee, grant thy servant permission to sleep ‘t off here.
ENJOLRAS: Nay, sleep it off elsewhere, winecask!
GRANTAIRE: Let me sleep here and if need be die here.
ENJOLRAS: Thou art incapable of believing or thinking or willing or living or dying.
GRANTAIRE: Thou shalt see, my lord, thou shalt see.
[exit Enjolras]
If I could only see as he sees – my golden god of the sun!
He seeth a light
doth command it to come through the dark abyss of truth.
He is mad and yet I love him more dearly than mine own life,
indeed, he brings life to me.
Enjolras, Enjolras, my lord, my devotion! None loves the daylight more than the blind man and for me he is that – an eagle soaring in the upper air of faith whilst I, poor lost soul, earthbound must be.
Invaluable is he to me, but I to him?
Nay! He wouldst sooner sleep with harlots than allow me to press mine unworthy hand with his.
I am an unwelcome Ephestion, torn away from that which gives me strength as I possess none.
Cruel fates! If I could only die in his light, I could die a happy man!
For what is man? Man liveth and dieth and tis all for not.
Enjolras, thou art leading away thy children – thy disciples – to a bloody death, but willingly will they go if thou sayest tis for freedom.
Well I would go for thee, blond youth, not for some false dream, nay, I would go for thee if thou desired it.
For thee would I be damned to hell if only I could watch thy flight. Alas, I am nothing and as nothing I must die and live alone.
[Exit]
Act I scene II
[Enter Gavroche, Enjolras, Combeferre, and workmen]
GAVROCHE: Come now, we must have more paving-stones, more barrels, more of everything. Come, a basket of rubble to stuff up the hole. Tis not big enough to provide protection from the blades and blows of war. Shove everything upon it, break up the dwelling if necessary. Hullo, there lieth a glass-paned door!
WORKMAN 1: Then what shall we do with’t, clumsy young lad?
GAVROCHE: Clumsy yourself. A glass-paned door is a very good thing t’have on a barricade – easy to attack, but not so easy to get past. Have not ye attempted to steal apples o’er a wall with broken glass on top? Think of a bit of glass cutting the soldiers’ arms. Tis the trouble – no imagination doth ye posses! A sword! I must have a sword! Why will no one give one to me?
COMBEFERRE: A sword at thine age?
GAVROCHE: Why not pray tell? I had one in the last revolution when we forced Charles X to flee from us!
ENJOLRAS: Once there are enough for the men, we shall begin to deliver them out to the children.
GAVROCHE: If thou shalt expire afore me I shall take thy sword.
ENJOLRAS: Urchin!
GAVROCHE: Greenhorn!
[enter Young Man 1]
Ho – come to join us? Art thou not willing to do a turn for thy poor old country?
[Young Man runs]
ENJOLRAS: Gavroche, ye art small enough that thou shalt not be noticed. Slip out along the house fronts, out into the streets, and bring thee back to tell what’s going on.
GAVROCHE: So we are good for something after all, us little ‘uns. Aye, I will do ‘t. Ye trust the little ‘uns, my lord, but keep an eye on the big ‘uns – see, that man there.
ENJOLRAS: What of him?
GAVROCHE: Tis a spy.
ENJOLRAS: Art thou certain?
GAVROCHE: Aye, he took me less than a fortnight ago by the Pont Royal.
ENJOLRAS: Who art thou?
JAVERT: I see what thou meanest by it. Yes, I am.
ENJOLRAS: Thou art an informer?
JAVERT: I am a representative of the law.
ENJOLRAS: And thy name?
JAVERT: Javert.
GAVROCHE: So the mouse has caught the cat!
ENJOLRAS: Tis a spy – ye shall be killed two minutes before the barricade falls.
JAVERT: Why not now?
ENJOLRAS: I shall not waste our strength.
JAVERT: A flick of a knife would take little effort.
ENJOLRAS: We art judges, not murderers. Gavroche – get started. Do what I told thee.
GAVROCHE: I am gone, but let me have his sword. I have left you the musician, but I would like to have his harp.
[exit Gavroche]
LE CABUC: Comrades, that house would be a good place to shoot from. With marksmen at all the windows, devil a soul could come along the street!
YOUNG MAN 2: But the house is shut.
LE CABUC: Canst we knock?
YONG MAN 3: They shant open.
LE CABUC: Then we shall break down the door. Is anyone in? Silence.
DOORKEEPER: Messieurs, what do you want?
LE CABUC: Open the door!
DOORKEEPER: Nay, I am forbidden, monsieur.
LE CABUC: Do it all the same.
DOORKEEPER: I canst do as ye request.
LE CABUC: Wilt thou open?
DOORKEEPER: Nay
LE CABUC: Then ye refuse?
DOORKEEPER: Aye, for mine own –
[Doorkeeper shot by an arrow and dies]
LE CABUC: There!
ENJOLRAS: On thy knees. On thy knees.
LE CABUC: Though thou art a youth, I have no strength to resist thee.
ENJOLRAS: Pray or pounder. Thou hast one minute.
LE CABUC: Mercy!
[Enjolras stabs Le Cabuc. Le Cabuc falls dead]
ENJOLRAS: Get rid of that.
[Exit Young men carrying Le Cabuc]
Shiit this is some dedicated work
Thank you!! It was a lot of fun! I originally did a scene with Joly, Bossuet, and Grantaire too, but I think I’ve lost it since 😦
Carry a fork with you. If someone tries to rob you, pull the fork out of your pocket and say “thank you, Lord for this meal I’m about to have” and charge at them with the fork
¯_( ಠ_ಠ)_/¯ 