This is potentially life saving information everyone should know.
No you guys this post helped me find my cat. He was missing for almost a month and I’ve had him for over 12 years. After seeing this I put his favorite blanket he always slept on outside hoping he would smell mine or his scent and he was back the next fucking day asleep on it.
When my cat got out, we called and called for him, and then, later that night, I remembered similar advice to this, and so put his little scratching pad, which he adores, on the front porch. Not even half an hour later, I heard a thump, opened the door, and there was his big butt, meowing at me.
Important and vital
I don’t care that I reblogged this today I’m reblogging it again
awwwww babies ;_; i hope everyone’s pets come home safe.
if an archaeologist says an artifact was probably for “ritual purposes” it means “i have no fuckin clue”
but if they say it was for “fertility rituals” they mean “i know exactly what it was for but i dont want to say ‘ancient dildo’”
Back in the day I worked at a certain very famous and very high caste art museum in the US as a junior curator. Part of my job was to catalog the objects in the museum database. This includes details like provenance, measurements, and a visual description of what the object looked like.
Like I said, the museum was a pretty snotty institution. It’s got a LOT of objects it’s way famous for possessing, but nobody knew about the absolutely massive collection of Moche erotic pottery it had because the curators were totally embarrassed by this stuff.
Some examples:
Pretty hot shit, right? They never, ever put any of this stuff on public view or published it in any catalogues but – we legit had like several hundred pieces of Moche ceramics in the “dirty pots” category. Anyway, I was left alone to just do my job with regard to the database for several years, ok? And I figured, well, these’re accessioned objects in the museum’s collection – better get down to bidness.
I catalogued every goddamn bestiality, necrophiliac, cocksucking, buttfucking, detached penis, and giant vulva drinking cup in that collection. I’d be like,
A drinking vessel in form of a standing man wearing a tunic and cap. He holds an oversized erection in his hands and stares into the distance (note I did not say “like he’s hella-constipated”). The vessel has a hole at both the tip of the penis as well as around the rim of the figure’s head, thus forcing the drinker to drink only from the penis or risk spilling wine all over themselves from the top of the vessel. Red and orange slip covers the surface of the piece.
Pretty straightforward, right? Apparently the deep seated fear of these objects that the curators exhibited was meant to spread to me as well, but – no one ever gave me that memo, because I guess Midwesterners reproduce asexually. When the curators understood that I had catalogued all of these objects in addition to the other, non-sexy pieces in the collection, they were apparently livid, but knew they had no legs to stand on in terms of getting pissed at me for it.
I visited the museum’s online public access database a few years back and – every single description I wrote of these pieces has been totally neutered to say something like Male figural vase.
Long story short? Just call a dildo a fucking dildo. It’s all gonna be ok, I swear.
This is absolutely the MOST unusual reblog I have ever tagged with what is probably my second-favorite tag, “talk to me about your work.”
Museums should have sections dedicated to artifacts like these with a warning that says “There’s a lot of private parts in here but we’re dedicated to displaying history so we won’t censor these. Enter at your own risk” or something. It’s prudish to deliberately hide history because of some ding dongs.
another lotr thing I think about a lot: Legolas, in Minas Tirith during ROTK, trying to explain to people what he knows about hobbits
He’d probably answer any questions people had that he didn’t know the answer to with just blatant lies
Like “oh yeah and then when you feed them enough they split into two, it’s how they reproduce. But every seventh one is evil.” “Once a month Hobbits eyes glow red and their teeth become sharp.” “Bilbo baggins grows to seven foot tall when mad. You haven’t heard about it because he’s too polite to be mad often.”
Someone asks Merry about the ‘if you feed them enough they split in two’ thing and he’s like ‘haha yeah I ate too much and that’s how Pippin got made’
Pippin says that he was the original.
Who came first, the Merry or the Pippin?
Frodo: you misunderstand, there was no ‘original’. There was a single, large hobbit called Merrippin and one day he ate so much he split in two and Merry and Pippin were brought into the world
Beregond, hyperventilating: please tell me you’re joking
So hobbits are like Australians in the sense that any single one, without being told of the joke ahead of time, will emphatically agree that it is a thing in order to maximise the fun of fooling foreigners?
Choreographer: “Great, see? if everyone put as much energy into their solos as Javert does into killing himself, we’d be on the West End.”
All the prostitutes agreed that our Bamatabois was the World’s Most Polite Molester. We made him a certificate. He blushed.
Enjolras sashayed onto the stage for One Day More like he was on Drag Race.
Grantaire and Enjolras plotting for twenty minutes on how to make their scenes as gay as possible. The directors are very supportive.
Valjean: (mixes up lyrics ONCE)
Everyone for the rest of eternity: “MY NAME IS LOAF OF BREAD”
Marius is disliked by the revolutionaries because he’s the only hetero. that is our official Amis-approved reason.
*eponine dies* Enjolras: (goes into La Vie Boheme) DEARLY BELOVED WE ARE GATHERED HERE TO SAAAAY OUR GOODBYES, HERE SHE LIIIIIIIES.
Marius jumped up to the tech booth, fought his way past the sound engineer and a bunch of stagehands just to blast the YTP of Look Down on the speakers.
Enjolras: Break a leg, Javert! And an arm! And your spine!
Choreographer: Everyone thank the director for accompanying us, especially since he’s sick today, so he isn’t feeling okay.
Director (slumped over the piano keyboard) : Oh, I’m never okay. *stares off into the distance*
¯_( ಠ_ಠ)_/¯ 