When other people, especially older people, try to ‘educate’ you about how ‘sexuality is complicated’ and how ‘you might not be ace’ and that ‘you’re probably confused’ and that ‘you’re probably [this] instead’,
You run.
Sexuality is indeed complicated, and yes, you might not be ace. But these kinds of people couldn’t care less either way.
Helpful people give you the freedom of choice – whether that choice lasts a lifetime, or until the next morning. Helpful people give you the agency to make your own decision about your own, personal, private identity.
If someone is trying to collectively discourage questioning aces into forgoing their ace identity? That’s not helpful. That’s an illusion of help under the guise of liberation. They’re trying to make you into something they want you to be.
Whether their advice is helpful or not, to any degree, this type of gaslighting and manipulation is not what you deserve. You can get the same kind of answers and help and support from people who aren’t damaging and toxic.
Find people who will let you be ace. Find people who will let you be yourself.
there is something so insidious and disgusting about the fact that aromantic people have to trot out some One True Friendship to impress allos with when they start questioning our worth
when society teaches people to replace us the moment they even get near a romantic relationship
not to mention how hard it can be to get close to people once that’s happened to you enough times
but nope, gotta have that perfect profound friendship that resembles a romantic relationship as closely as possible to show off whenever people start doubting you to get your Human Points back
I think I’ve talked about this here before but, let me tell you, it took me a really long time to realize that other people couldn’t just ‘turn off’ their attraction for someone else.
For me it was as easy as going ‘ya I don’t want to have a crush/like this person any more’ and poof! There went all my feeling towards them.
It was because of this that I never really understood why it was so hard for people I knew to just break up with someone or WHY they would keep going back to someone again and again.
Because for me there was an ‘off switch’ for my attraction to someone, because that attraction had never existed in the first place and I was just fooling myself into believing it was, while for others the attraction was a real, tangible thing that they couldn’t just turn off like it never existed.
Charlie wondering why everyone is so focused on who’s dating who
Charlie shyly turning down all the girls that ask him out
Girls getting mad at him and guys asking him what the fuck is wrong with you! After he turns down hot girl after hot girl.
Bill being super protective over Charlie and beating up on anyone who makes fun of him
Bill asking Charlie if he’s into guys and Charlie telling him no he’s not into guys or girls. He’d rather focus on his studies
Charlie coming across asexuality and realizing that it describes him perfectly.
Asexual Charlie coming out to Bill who smiles and says “I knew it”
Mrs. Weasley constantly asking him when he’s going to bring home a nice girl and when he tells her never she moves on to how about a nice guy?
Asexual Charlie having enough of it and deciding to come out to the rest of his family. They are confused and have questions but mostly accept him (helps that Bill just came out as bi not too long ago)
Mrs. Weasley agonizing over not having grandchildren and how unhappy Charlie will be all alone
Asexual Charlie going off on his mom telling her that he doesn’t want kids and he is quite happy studying dragons thank you very much. You have plenty of other kids who will give you grandchildren.
Asexual Charlie going back to Romania and getting a package from his mum containing a sweater in ace flag colors with a C on it.
Whenever anyone questions him about dating he just smiles and says he’s “more interested in dragons that he is about girls”
I think a pretty good way to figure out where you are on the ace/aro spectrum is to, if you find yourself attracted to someone, think about how you’d like to spend your time with them:
Do want to hold their hand? Have sex with them? Kiss them? Talk with them? Play video games? Watch a movie? Cuddle on the couch? Spoon with them?
And additionally, when you’re in a relationship:
What do you do together? What do you want to do together? Do you feel differently about what you’d like to do with them than when you started?
Based on your thoughts and feelings, find the label that works best for you!
in conclusion, dont let anyone on this dumb hellsite tell you you’re not lgbt. nobody in the real world cares. the discourse only exists on tumblr. so go out there and be you’re ace ass self and dont worry about the bullshit on this site.
Ever since I found out that the UNITED NATIONS include asexuals (and aromantics!) I don’t give a shit about the discourse™ on this hellsite anymore
(document published by the United Nations High Commission for Refugees)
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