The relationship I have with romance is like a horror story. I can enjoy it in media when well executed, but in real life my reaction to someone pursuing me romantically and pursuing me with an axe are more or less the same
Tag: aro ace
Hey props to all the ace/aro people who put up with the nasty anti-ace/aro stuff on this website, y’all are braver than any US marine and deserve all the respect in the world
hey, so, this has been weighing on my mind a lot recently because of multiple scenarios i’ve found myself caught up in
aros (well, anyone, but aros in particular, since this is a problem i’m finding is pretty common with aros), don’t trap yourself in an abusive friendship out of the idea that you have no other friends – even if that’s true. you’ll find other people. i promise. just a few years ago i was in the worst friendship of my life because i was terrified to be alone, and within a year or so i’d managed to reconnect with some friends that i’d been cut off from and make new friends and now i have an extremely positive, supportive, thriving friend group that is more than i could ever have imagined. and i would have none of that had i stayed in the abusive friendship i was so afraid to leave
and maybe it won’t work out for you as well as it did for me – idk your situation – but i can 100% promise that no friends is better than one abusive friend. you’ll find people again eventually, and when you do, you’ll be so glad you didn’t stay in a fucked up relationship
i know it’s easier said than done, especially depending on your circumstances, but please don’t let someone who doesn’t deserve it stay in your life. you deserve better than that 💚
Hey, we just wanted to provide a few of asexual/romantic articles we have written so that all of you have a rebuttal ready if any aphobe comes at you saying that “asexuals haven’t historically been a part of the queer community”
The Golden Orchid– An order of lesbians, asexuals, aromantics, and women who didn’t want to get married to the men their family picked our for them looking out for each other.
Langston Hughes: the Poet – A take on the famous poets sexual and romantic orientation, considering that maybe both sides are right in a way.
Christina, the King of Sweden– Someone on the asexual spectrum who was one of the most interesting figures we have covered
More recent articles:
Early Asexual Feminists: The Asexual History of Social Purity Activists and Spinsters
Because a lot of people haven’t heard of it: amatonormativity describes the way society expects everyone to want a relationship and prioritise romance/starting a family and having kids over other things in their life. Aro or not, you have likely come across this sentiment in your life.
Examples of amatonormativity include: parents who think you owe them grandchildren, co-workers and friends asking why you’re single/not believing it’s by choice, the idea that you’ll “change your mind” about having kids when you “find the one”.
Examples also include: thinking you’ll “find the one” at all, assuming everyone “settles down” with a partner at some point, telling people you don’t have a crush and nobody believes you, the entire concept of soulmates
Additional examples include: “you’ll have to start your own family eventually”, older singles thinking that their lives and accomplishments are worthless because they’ve never been married or had kids (my current roommate). The “You can’t really want to be a single parent!” And “its imposible to date with a kid, just wait until you get married to have one.”
I’m sitting in my mythology class the other day, and the professor is going over the 12 main Gods and Goddesses, and when he gets to Athena he said, “And this is Athena, and she is an asexual.” He then proceeded to mention how even though sex was a big part of Greek culture back then, everyone respected her asexuality, so no one tried anything on her.
Acephobia in the LGBT+ Community from the documentary (A)sexuality.
It is just…so fucking weird how threatened people feel when it comes to Asexuality. I still can’t wrap my mind around it.
I’m so happy this post is being reblogged by LBGT+ people who aren’t asexual. I keep on reading posts by non-ace LGBT+ people of support to the ace community, and of being stunned by this reaction by a movement which should know better than to judge. AND THAT MAKES THIS ACE SO FREAKING HAPPY. The woman in the first photo expresses my sentiment. I know I belong in the queer/LGBTQIA movement. I want to belong. But I just don’t know if I’m welcome. I’m so happy that there are so many people on Tumblr who do not fall into the catagory of outright refusal of asexuality.
I know not a lot of people understand asexuality. And I know there’s confusion about it, about our experiences, and about how we fit in the movement. But let’s talk about this. Let’s have this conversation.
I mostly don’t delve into the ace tags, but I hear there’s a lot of ace-hate that and I really don’t get it. I don’t understand how asexuality is threatening.
You know what I (as a queer ace-spectrum person) find most threatening? Getting unwanted sexual unwanted advances from both queer and straight people. I’ve gotten them from people of all spectrums and it always makes me profoundly uncomfortable, and often unsafe. It just boggles my mind how people are upset by the concept of asexuality. That’s like getting really mad at someone who isn’t hungry. What’s the point? Just shut up eat your own sandwich. (And stop chewing on me.)
Wow, the fuck the people in those images.
Nobody has the right to disrespect anybody else’s sense of self. It may not be for, you but that does not give you the right to be an asshole.
We really need to push more for LGBTQIA+ to be a standard, instead of just LGBT, especially considering that even the B and T are already invisible in much of the community.
Not supporting some of us = not supporting all of us.
The isolation of amatonormativity
A friend was recently asking me to describe my experience of being aromantic. After listening for a little while, she asked me what it’s like to experience intimacy in a way that is fundamentally outside all the mainstream narratives of intimacy. I stumbled over all the different words I could have said for a moment, and finally spit out only one word: “isolating”. From talking with other aros, I think this is a relatively common experience. Aros in particular feel the effects of amatonormativity beyond just intimate relationships. It extends to most interpersonal relationships, even professional relationships, because amatonormativity is that pervasive.
In case you aren’t familiar with the word, according to its coiner, amatonormativity is “the widespread assumption that everyone is better off in an exclusive,
romantic, long-term coupled relationship, and that everyone is seeking
such a relationship.”
I know there’s a push in the larger LGBTQ+ community to…assimilate into Straight society, and say “we’re just like you! It’s just the way our attraction operates!” (ignoring gender issues ofc)
But I…can’t get behind that, on a personal level. Like, being aro? A huge part of who I am. The way I understand the world, my values, what I find important? All linked to me being aro (and, to a lesser level, ace).
I would be a totally different person if I was Straight. My friendships, the way I navigate through the world, the way I enjoy media,…
Is it because being aromantic is seen as too radical to basically everyone? Is it because of my other maginalized identities? I’m not too sure about that, but my aromanticism is probably the most important part in that desire to be unapogetically myself. I want that for everyone in the community, in fact, I think it’s dishonest to try and live while ignoring our experiences differ greatly from Straight people’s.
I’ve been an activist for 2 or 3 years now – in queer circles (not LGBT+, queer). I feel better in here, even though I also work a lot around me to help LGBTQ+ kids (and even adults) come to terms with themselves (which often means a vocabulary lesson haha). I love helping people, but I only really feel comfortable, activism-wise, in queer circles. Because they’re not going to ask me to hide and look Straight, I can be loud and express my anger, fear or sadness.
It’s not perfect, we often have trouble getting together, but I think we’re doing good work, just by having a shared space.
In a lot of ways, the aro community is built on a queer logic, rather than an LGBT+ one. And I think we’re doing great. Who we are is too radical for other people? Well, fuck’em, we’ll strive by solidarity and never apologize to the world for who we are. Changing the world is a better option than erasing our experiences and hiding or playing a role our whole lives.
I think queer politics also mean, you recognize you’ll maybe never see the results of the work you’re doing. It can be pretty disheartening and discouraging – but it’s needed. I doubt what we’re doing today will see huge, societal results in our lifetime – but it doesn’t matter. Because we’re radically accepting others and, more importantly, ourselves. This in itself is something to be proud of and to be passed to future baby aros.
A tip: when someone asks you why don’t you get some kind of romantic partner, a good answer is, “and what do I need one for?”
From personal experience, that question usually confuses the other person enough for you to be able to change subject, or at least you’ve put them in a very awkward position
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