aspecsapphic:

gentle reminder to all ace and aro peeps:

the majority of the lgbtq+ community sees you and accepts you as a part of the community and in queer spaces. i know seeing all the hate on here from within the community can be incredibly disheartening and exhausting, but aphobes are just a loud and angry minority, they are not the norm in actual queer spaces.

you are valid. you are loved. you belong.

arokaladin:

hey if an aroace talks about their experiences of asexuality and conflates being ace with being aro that’s not bad. It can be hard to tell which label affects what, and some people who experience no sexual or romantic attraction only id as ace anyway. The SAM isn’t universal. Basically if an actual aspec seems to be ‘confusing’ asexuality and aromanticism it is far far more likely that their aromanticism is part of their experiences with asexuality, or that they don’t distinguish between the two. Please don’t step in to ‘educate’ aroaces on how asexuals can ~still feel love~ since we know that already. We’re very tired of hearing it. 

kingdomheartstrash:

parasite-core:

ace-and-ranty:

jumpingjacktrash:

cookingwithroxy:

lesbiangender:

wild idea here but… instead of pushing this idea that teenagers can’t be asexual bc they’re children and not wanting sex is normal, how about “if you identify as ace as a teenager but later realize you just didn’t want sex bc you were a kid and stop identifying that way, that’s okay” and realizing that doesn’t mean no one can know they’re asexual as a teenager and stop maybe telling asexual teenagers that they’re too young to be ace bc that’s really weird given that teenagers are cetainly capable of being non-asexual also you totally can’t decide something like that for someone else

‘Here is your label, you can never change it’ is one of the most toxic things I’ve ever seen and honestly is the worst parts of pretty much any community there is. It keeps people from being willing to change or even self-reflect, because once they get a label it’s impossible to free themselves from it. And it’s behind all the ridiculous ‘well at one point you said a thing that all these years later in a different context doesn’t sound all that good so you’re a bigot and everything you do is terrible’ nonsense going around this hellsite.

teenagers especially need to be able to say “this is where i’m at now, it could change later, it’s valid either way,” because they’re still evolving really fast

anyone at any time in life can discover something new about themself and no one gets to tell them what they’re feeling

YES, and also??

The argument that “you could find out in the future you’re not ace, so you can’t identify as ace NOW” has an underlying sense that… identifying as ace is BAD. It makes it sound like identifying as ace is something you absolutely should not do until you’re 100% certain, because maybe it isn’t that bad, maybe you’re normal and you just don’t know it yet!

It’s the same mentality, I find, as people who think being gay or lesbian is a horrible fate you wouldn’t chose if you could, something you would change if it was possible. The same mentality that says you can’t be trans unless you’re horribly dysphoric all the time.

They treat the decision of identifying as asexual as some serious life-sentence instead of, you know, a simple way of exploring your identity?? 

Not to mention letting ace teens know that asexuality exists and it’s okay to identify as ace will help them not jump into sexual situations they may not be comfortable with but feel like they have to because media constantly shoved it down their throats that having sex and being sexual is a necessary part of romantic relationships, and they could spend years feeling broken and confused why they don’t feel that way when it seems like everyone else around them does.

Can the same thing be done for aro people too? Because, like, at least people are talking about identifying as ace and what that could potentially mean for a young adult just starting to figure out what, exactly, identity IS…but I hear next to nothing about identifying as aro, unless it’s partnered with ace.

Speaking personally, as someone who JUST figured out that, yes, you CAN be aro and still in a committed relationship, I can also personally attest to the confusion, fear, worry, stress, anxiety, depression, etc. that comes from literally everything around you pushing for a romantic relationship when you don’t feel anything other than platonic or sexual attraction for your partner. It’s entirely possible that, “you just haven’t found the right one yet!”, or, “that proves you’re entirely too young to be in a serious relationship!”…but it could also simply be that you physically cannot feel that way, about ANYONE, regardless of who they are, how wonderful they are, how long you’ve known them, or anything else that would contribute to “falling in love”.

And, if it turns out that you CAN feel romantic attraction, then that’s fine too! Fall in love! Fall out of love! But still, don’t ever forget that it’s not a crime to identify as aromantic. And it’s also not a crime to stop identifying as aro, if you find that your feelings change.