hella-aro:

The relationship I have with romance is like a horror story. I can enjoy it in media when well executed, but in real life my reaction to someone pursuing me romantically and pursuing me with an axe are more or less the same

aroacelibrary:

transmascbastard:

dailyacepositive:

Because a lot of people haven’t heard of it: amatonormativity describes the way society expects everyone to want a relationship and prioritise romance/starting a family and having kids over other things in their life. Aro or not, you have likely come across this sentiment in your life.

Examples of amatonormativity include: parents who think you owe them grandchildren, co-workers and friends asking why you’re single/not believing it’s by choice, the idea that you’ll “change your mind” about having kids when you “find the one”.

Examples also include: thinking you’ll “find the one” at all, assuming everyone “settles down” with a partner at some point, telling people you don’t have a crush and nobody believes you, the entire concept of soulmates

Additional examples include: “you’ll have to start your own family eventually”, older singles thinking that their lives and accomplishments are worthless because they’ve never been married or had kids (my current roommate). The “You can’t really want to be a single parent!” And “its imposible to date with a kid, just wait until you get married to have one.”

too-spicy-and-too-queer:

A friend was recently asking me to describe my experience of being aromantic.  After listening for a little while, she asked me what it’s like to experience intimacy in a way that is fundamentally outside all the mainstream narratives of intimacy.  I stumbled over all the different words I could have said for a moment, and finally spit out only one word: “isolating”.  From talking with other aros, I think this is a relatively common experience.  Aros in particular feel the effects of amatonormativity beyond just intimate relationships.  It extends to most interpersonal relationships, even professional relationships, because amatonormativity is that pervasive.

In case you aren’t familiar with the word, according to its coiner, amatonormativity is “the widespread assumption that everyone is better off in an exclusive,
romantic, long-term coupled relationship, and that everyone is seeking
such a relationship.”

Keep reading

saltyaro:

I know there’s a push in the larger LGBTQ+ community to…assimilate into Straight society, and say “we’re just like you! It’s just the way our attraction operates!” (ignoring gender issues ofc)

But I…can’t get behind that, on a personal level. Like, being aro? A huge part of who I am. The way I understand the world, my values, what I find important? All linked to me being aro (and, to a lesser level, ace). 

I would be a totally different person if I was Straight. My friendships, the way I navigate through the world, the way I enjoy media,…

Is it because being aromantic is seen as too radical to basically everyone? Is it because of my other maginalized identities? I’m not too sure about that, but my aromanticism is probably the most important part in that desire to be unapogetically myself. I want that for everyone in the community, in fact, I think it’s dishonest to try and live while ignoring our experiences differ greatly from Straight people’s. 

I’ve been an activist for 2 or 3 years now – in queer circles (not LGBT+, queer). I feel better in here, even though I also work a lot around me to help LGBTQ+ kids (and even adults) come to terms with themselves (which often means a vocabulary lesson haha). I love helping people, but I only really feel comfortable, activism-wise, in queer circles. Because they’re not going to ask me to hide and look Straight, I can be loud and express my anger, fear or sadness.

It’s not perfect, we often have trouble getting together, but I think we’re doing good work, just by having a shared space.

In a lot of ways, the aro community is built on a queer logic, rather than an LGBT+ one. And I think we’re doing great. Who we are is too radical for other people? Well, fuck’em, we’ll strive by solidarity and never apologize to the world for who we are. Changing the world is a better option than erasing our experiences and hiding or playing a role our whole lives.

I think queer politics also mean, you recognize you’ll maybe never see the results of the work you’re doing. It can be pretty disheartening and discouraging – but it’s needed. I doubt what we’re doing today will see huge, societal results in our lifetime – but it doesn’t matter. Because we’re radically accepting others and, more importantly, ourselves. This in itself is something to be proud of and to be passed to future baby aros.

hella-aro:

A tip: when someone asks you why don’t you get some kind of romantic partner, a good answer is, “and what do I need one for?”

From personal experience, that question usually confuses the other person enough for you to be able to change subject, or at least you’ve put them in a very awkward position

saltyaro:

One of the things that annoys me the most is when alloromantics act like romance is inherently so much better and that it’s not subjective at all like. “just friendship” for one.

But when I go and imply something like, maybe, I value friendship more I’m an asshole suddenly. 

It makes me reeeeally want to say “just romance” or “oh no we’re more than dating, we’re friends” or shit like that

So maybe that does make me an asshole but hey honestly I don’t see why I can’t think of friendship as inherently more, in the other opinion doesn’t make people apparently.