hey if an aroace talks about their experiences of asexuality and conflates being ace with being aro that’s not bad. It can be hard to tell which label affects what, and some people who experience no sexual or romantic attraction only id as ace anyway. The SAM isn’t universal. Basically if an actual aspec seems to be ‘confusing’ asexuality and aromanticism it is far far more likely that their aromanticism is part of their experiences with asexuality, or that they don’t distinguish between the two. Please don’t step in to ‘educate’ aroaces on how asexuals can ~still feel love~ since we know that already. We’re very tired of hearing it.
why are there so many posts about asexuals being immune to sirens. people. sirens don’t lure you in with sex (necessarily). they sing about whatever it is that you want most. they could sing about mothman or cinnamon toast crunch and guess what then your asexual pirate is fucking dead
“so, how’d you die?”
“I was promised a brownie by a fish”
wild idea here but… instead of pushing this idea that teenagers can’t be asexual bc they’re children and not wanting sex is normal, how about “if you identify as ace as a teenager but later realize you just didn’t want sex bc you were a kid and stop identifying that way, that’s okay” and realizing that doesn’t mean no one can know they’re asexual as a teenager and stop maybe telling asexual teenagers that they’re too young to be ace bc that’s really weird given that teenagers are cetainly capable of being non-asexual also you totally can’t decide something like that for someone else
‘Here is your label, you can never change it’ is one of the most toxic things I’ve ever seen and honestly is the worst parts of pretty much any community there is. It keeps people from being willing to change or even self-reflect, because once they get a label it’s impossible to free themselves from it. And it’s behind all the ridiculous ‘well at one point you said a thing that all these years later in a different context doesn’t sound all that good so you’re a bigot and everything you do is terrible’ nonsense going around this hellsite.
teenagers especially need to be able to say “this is where i’m at now, it could change later, it’s valid either way,” because they’re still evolving really fast
anyone at any time in life can discover something new about themself and no one gets to tell them what they’re feeling
YES, and also??
The argument that “you could find out in the future you’re not ace, so you can’t identify as ace NOW” has an underlying sense that… identifying as ace is BAD. It makes it sound like identifying as ace is something you absolutely should not do until you’re 100% certain, because maybe it isn’t that bad, maybe you’re normal and you just don’t know it yet!
It’s the same mentality, I find, as people who think being gay or lesbian is a horrible fate you wouldn’t chose if you could, something you would change if it was possible. The same mentality that says you can’t be trans unless you’re horribly dysphoric all the time.
They treat the decision of identifying as asexual as some serious life-sentence instead of, you know, a simple way of exploring your identity??
Not to mention letting ace teens know that asexuality exists and it’s okay to identify as ace will help them not jump into sexual situations they may not be comfortable with but feel like they have to because media constantly shoved it down their throats that having sex and being sexual is a necessary part of romantic relationships, and they could spend years feeling broken and confused why they don’t feel that way when it seems like everyone else around them does.
Can the same thing be done for aro people too? Because, like, at least people are talking about identifying as ace and what that could potentially mean for a young adult just starting to figure out what, exactly, identity IS…but I hear next to nothing about identifying as aro, unless it’s partnered with ace.
Speaking personally, as someone who JUST figured out that, yes, you CAN be aro and still in a committed relationship, I can also personally attest to the confusion, fear, worry, stress, anxiety, depression, etc. that comes from literally everything around you pushing for a romantic relationship when you don’t feel anything other than platonic or sexual attraction for your partner. It’s entirely possible that, “you just haven’t found the right one yet!”, or, “that proves you’re entirely too young to be in a serious relationship!”…but it could also simply be that you physically cannot feel that way, about ANYONE, regardless of who they are, how wonderful they are, how long you’ve known them, or anything else that would contribute to “falling in love”.
And, if it turns out that you CAN feel romantic attraction, then that’s fine too! Fall in love! Fall out of love! But still, don’t ever forget that it’s not a crime to identify as aromantic. And it’s also not a crime to stop identifying as aro, if you find that your feelings change.
Disney…the Disney…has what I think is the most iconic, best represented, canonical aro-ace character of all time. And yes, I do say canonical.
Here’s why.
Go back and listen to “Jolly Holiday”, paying particular attention to Mary’s verse. Disney wanted there to be a romance between Burt and Mary. Desperately wanted it. Practically invented the role of Burt (who was a fairly minor character in the book series and whose representation in the film is a conglomerate of, like, five different characters from the books resulting in his jack-of-all-trades schtick) just so Mary would have a love interest.
And P.L. Travers, writer of the books, absolutely forbade that they even hint at a romantic relationship between them.
What results is that beautiful bit from Jolly Holiday where she masterfully, but kindly, shuts Burt down. (filed under: stuff I did not properly appreciate as a kid)
But because he was meant to be her love interest, and Disney tried so desperately to kinda loophole their way around Travers’s ultimatum, what results is this fantastically bad-stereotype-free Aro-Ace character. She’s not some robot without feelings, completely cold towards others, or socially awkward. She’s aware of Burt’s (actually romantic) feelings for her. She even returns those feelings on a platonic level. She’s flirtatious, kind, and caring but immediately shuts down any romantic/sexual advance. And because they can’t make their lead character a “bad” person none of those flirtatious moments have a cruel “leading them on” air. Her verse starts with complements to Burt and then subtly moves into “do NOT make a move on me I will not respond.” While she shuts him down, Burt looks confused at first, like he’s not sure where he went wrong, and then seems to get the hint and continues to treat her with respect.
Later, at the penguin diner, he teases her with a list of the girls he’s been attracted to, making her huff slightly jealously. However, he ends with the statement that he likes her more than these other girls and she laughs at his antics. To me, that’s a moment of “No, you won’t be able to give me the relationship I could have with these girls, but I still prefer the relationship I have with you.” They are in a platonic relationship that’s more than friendship but STILL NOT ROMANTIC ON HER END and that is amazing.
By trying desperately to make her an allosexual while being confined by the restrictions of P.L. Travers Disney accidentally made the best aro-ace character of all time and I think that’s AWESOME. AND it has the additional unintended side-effect of portraying a functioning, respectful, and platonic relationship between an asexual and allosexual person.
Holy shit. Holy fuck. I got my little sister the book “sex is a funny word” because she’s at that age where she’s reading a lot of puberty books and I’d heard that this one was lgbtq+ friendly, but I was checking it over for accuracy and I gotta say, even with the totally gender neutral language they were using to talk about body parts and the really respectful way they talk about gender and their portrayals of same sex couples I was so fucking sure that I would have to mention that not everyone gets crushes or feels attraction separately. Because these books never talk about that. But here it is. The one thing I was so absolutely sure wouldn’t be included.
I honest to god dropped the book when I saw this I was so shocked. And I’m so fucking happy right now. I can’t exspress how much I wish this was mentioned in the books I read when I was a kid. It would have saved me so much confusion, and I’m so happy that kids today are gonna read this and know that it’s okay and normal to not get curses. I’m so so fucking happy you have no idea.
me and my friend @toytulini were talking on discord about how it would be nice if there were terms like stag/tomcat/doe and butch/femme, but for aces, describing feminine, androgynous and masculine presentation so we decided to coin some terms together. in order, you have:
jellyfish ace – ace person who presents in a feminine way, regardless of gender. i chose jellyfishes because they are often pink, a color associated with femininity, and because to me it sometimes looks like jellyfishes are wearing dresses or skirts, because of how their bodies are shaped like.
anemone ace – ace person who presents in an androgynous way, regardless of gender. anemones seem very androgynous-looking to me. they dont really long like anything, they look like themselves, which is something that reminds me of androgyny
manta ray ace – little tuxedo man “theyre usually very sleek in dark colors, which is associated with masculine formal wear, like suits.” – a cool friend on discord
feel free to use these terms and flags! if youre ace and reblog this, put in the tags which one(s) you are, if youre any 🙂 also please credit us if you use them, by linking it back to this post, if possible!
Editor of YA Interrobang here! First of all, you should never – ever – feel like a freak of nature. Half of Team Interrobang is on the asexual spectrum, including me, and there are plenty of authors who are asexual or aromantic or both, even if it’s not something they actively discuss. (Take Katie Locke, for instance, an author on the asexual spectrum whose debut YA novel hits shelves next year.) You are not alone, and you are no more a freak than I am.
– We Awaken by Calista Lynne – As Autumn Leaves by Kate Sands
– Every Heart A Doorway by Seanan McGuire (a personal favorite) – We Go Forward by Alison Evans –
Tash Hearts Tolstoy by Kathryn Ormsbee (releases 2017)
Tristina Wright’s 27 Hours, which releases in 2017, has a character that is both asexual AND aromantic.
¯_( ಠ_ಠ)_/¯ 