transgenderteensurvivalguide:

Kii says:

Here’s a post about that.

transgenderadvicegroup:

When I thought I was a cis girl, I definitely felt this way. I thought I was just a tomboy and I wanted smaller boobs because “they’re just easier and look nicer!” and I wanted a penis because “that’d make camping easier!” Once somebody called me “flat” as an insult, and I smiled for the rest of the day. I was really deep in the closet even with myself, so I thought it was normal for girls to want to look more like boys. 

Hating your body and finding it gross is pretty common in people with gender dysphoria, but it can also be a sign of something else, like body dysmorphic disorder or even just really bad self esteem. A good mental exercise that helped me figure out whether or not I was trans was thinking about how I really wanted to live my life. In the future, did I want to be a middle-aged woman, or a middle-aged man? Did I want to actually have a flat chest and be able to walk around shirtless without feeling naked, or did I just want smaller boobs? When I was old and wrinkly, did I want a deep voice, a grizzly beard, a big belly? Or did I want a saggy chest, old lady hair, slim limbs? Did I want to die a woman or a man? 

While a bit gruesome, this exercise really helped me to realize that even though I had nothing against being a girl socially, I really hated being a girl physically. I was suffering from really intense dysphoria that I kept pushing back. I was trans. I didn’t just want to be a different kind of girl, I wanted to be a guy. 

For me, I’ve always known my body was attractive, it just wasn’t right. So I never really considered that it might be a self-esteem issue or BDD. I didn’t just want my body to still be female but different, I wanted a male body. 

The reason why I stress this part is that sometimes, people with BDD can focus on sexed body parts (like their boobs), and think, “These need to be larger/smaller) without actually wanting them gone entirely. In that case, that’s not exactly normal for cis girls to deal with, but it’s not being trans either.

If these kinds of feelings are really wearing you down, I would advise you to see a therapist, especially one who deals with gender dysphoria or body dysmorphic disorder. They will be able to help you explore these feelings and see if you’re actually trans or if it’s something else. 

I wish you the best of luck with finding yourself out. 🙂

transgenderadvicegroup:

From other anonymous askers

I’m not THE anon but i’d love to your imput on how to tell transness from internalized misogyny

So I’m not the anon thag that originally asked the question about being afraid that my feelings are internalized misogyny and not actual dysphoria (trans masc) but that definitely is a worry that I have and has caused me a great deal of confusion. If you could re-answer that ask then that would be wonderful…

This is a bit of a tough question. Most people who’ve detransitioned or who thought they were trans but realized they weren’t thought so because of gender roles, and stuff like this: disliking the way society treats women, so they thought they could deflect it by transitioning into a man.

For me, I know I was trans because of how uncomfortable I was in a female body. It wasn’t being a woman, necessarily, that made me uncomfortable, but my body itself. I was (and am) a huge feminist, and I wasn’t ashamed to be a woman. I knew I could be strong and brave as well as soft and caring while being a woman. But I just knew, deep down, that I couldn’t keep living as one because I just wasn’t. 

I’ve seen some videos by detransitioners (which can be really informative, just be careful if you’re easily triggered by transphobia, because some of these people go full-TERF after transitioning), and from the sounds of it, they transitioned because they wanted power, respect, and freedom from sexual harassment, which are all things they thought they could achieve by becoming male. They saw their female characteristics as the cause of their suffering, because of how society treated them because they were female. 

I think that’s the main difference between someone who is actually transgender, and someone who is a cis woman, but doesn’t want to be treated as one because of sexism. Transitioning for yourself because your body seems wrong, versus transitioning to escape societal expectations of your sex.

Granted, this isn’t a subject I’m especially educated on, so I’d appreciate input from anyone who is a detransitioner or who thought they were trans but realized it was internalized misogyny, etc. 

realtransfacts:

zorilleerrant:

spookyandsleepy:

For guys

• Baseball caps? Those are good.
• Short haircuts. If anyone questions, say it’s for convenience.
• For your neck: fang pendants (very badass). Or a dapper lil bowtie.
• Big ass stompy boots.
• Those cool belt buckles. You can get a basic one or something with a cool design (like a dragon!).
• Don’t shave. Let your body hair grow. Unless you feel uncomfortable.
• Buy some spicy-smelling perfumes or other cosmetics. Or if there is something that says “Forest” on it, this one is also good.
• If you can, try some weightlifting. It will make your muscles better and release some of that sweet sweet testosterone. But remember, fat and skinny men are also very handsome, so if you can’t, don’t sweat it.
• Eat plenty of protein for a testosterone boost. Also, zinc from seafood – like shrimp and salmon especially – will help that chemical magic. Leafy greens, pomegranate, coconuts, garlic also help. Watch out for soy and tofu! They raise estrogen. And raisins are great, but dried apricots are not.
• Remember that no matter what you are 100% man (unless you are a demiguy/bigender, then you are 50% man or whatever it looks like for you, that is still very cool, and if you are genderfluid and currently a dude, that’s still very good and valid).

For gals

• Kitten ear beanies are so pure and good (just like you).
• Let your hair grow to a nice length. If anyone questions, say you found a new style.
• For your neck: simple crystal pendants (very pretty). 
• Crystal bracelets!
• Lil ballet flats.
• Shaving can make you feel a whole lot better. Remember – some cis girls also have to shave!
• Just a little bit of lip balm goes a long way. Oh! And clear nail polish!
• Sweet-smelling cosmetics are your best friend. You can probably get on eBay or in your local store a nice bottle of vanilla body mist.
• Google some exercises for a bigger butt, if you want to try it. If you can’t, remeber less-curvy women are also beautiful.
• Eat plenty of soy, flaxseed, sesame seed, dried apricots… I know that those give you a bit of extra estrogen. Apparently coffee can also do it? Getting estrogen from diet is harder. Just eat a lot of tasty fresh food. Remember to treat yourself.
• Remember that no matter what you are 100% woman (unless you are a demigirl/bigender, then you are 50% woman or whatever it looks like for you, that is still very cool, and if you are genderfluid and currently a lady, that’s still very good and valid).

For nonbinary pals

• Simple beanies.
• Google “androgynous/unisex hairstyles”. Look how many cool options you have! You might tweak one to your needs, like make it longer, or shorter, or add some cool hair dye…
• For your neck: scarves. They come in many colors and patterns, cover up your neck so you don’t get cold, also you can hide your neck bump or lack thereof.
• Friendship bracelets!
• Trainer shoes.
• Baggy hoodies are really nice.
• You can shave and don’t wear makeup. Or rock the beard and eyeshadow look. Or really, anything else.
• Cosmetics? Citrus and lavender are considered unisex scents. You can also wikiHow to Make Perfume and mix some scents you like at home.
• Exercise, if you are healthy enough to do it, is good. Try running and yoga. Remember, media sells us the myth that androgyny=thinness, but it’s bullcrap. Fat, curvy, muscular people can all be nonbinary and/or androgynous.
• You can look up the guys and gals sections too. Maybe you will find something that helps you.
• Remember that your identity is 100% valid and true, no matter what. Yes, any kind of identity. No matter if it’s a neutral void or a mix of everything, no matter if it’s stable or changes. It’s valid because you are valid.

For guys: use soaps/deodorants/etc. from the men’s section, say it’s because they’re cheaper or easier to find, or you hate flower smells.

For gals: use soaps/deodorants/etc. from the women’s section, say it’s because you have dry or sensitive skin and need the moisturizers, or because those are the soaps with less overpowering scents.

For nonbinary pals: use soaps/deodorants/etc. from the ‘all-natural’ or ‘allergen-free’ section, say it’s because of sensitivities to various ingredients or you’re trying to protect the environment.

I’d like to note that you can’t make much of a change in your body’s testosterone/estrogen levels just by changing your diet. I wish it was that simple but it isn’t. No matter what your eat or avoid eating, your body is going to hold itself at a more or less steady place – your body is designed to self-regulate, after all, so it’s just doing its job.

But the rest of this is sound advice well worth trying!

realtransfacts:

People can experience dysphoria in so many different ways, there’s never going to be a perfect “this is what dysphoria feels like” check-list to go through.

Generally speaking, gender dysphoria is a feeling of discomfort with being seen as or treated as a gender that you’re not. This can be relating to social situations, how people perceive you and talk about you – what pronouns and names they use for you etc – or regarding your body (or specific parts of your body) and how you and society as a whole genders it.

This discomfort can show itself in a lot of different ways, some of them obvious and some of them more sneaky. It can feel like outright nausea or something close to physical pain, it can feel like a dull sadness, it can feel like annoyance or anger, and many other negative feelings of varying intensity. The one thing that’s overarching is that it’s a bad feeling, something uncomfortable, something that tells you that something isn’t right.

And it’s common for these feelings to fluctuate as well; few of the trans people I’ve known have had the exact same amount of dysphoria felt in the exact same way all the time.

Some more writing related to gender dysphoria are here, if you’re interested in reading a bit more:

• link one
• link two
• link three
• link four

transgenderteensurvivalguide:

Kii says:

Please don’t use ableist language in your asks.

Honestly, if you mostly see yourself as a guy, you’re probably trans, and not “pretending.”

Here are some links that might help:

• Mental health
• Emotion
• Self-esteem
• Self-talk and thinking
• Self-validation
• Post on self acceptance (focused on NB people, but has tips applicable to all trans people)
• Dysphoria
• Dysphoria vs Body Acceptance
• What am I?

nonbinary-safe-haven:

xkingoftheclouds:

when i was going through a crisis of “my identity will never make sense, i will constantly have to correct people, and i will never not look female” the one thing i needed was a guide to presenting subtly nonbinary/androgynous/genderless. so here is that guide!

-lots. of. hoodies.

-flannels, which you can find in literally any section! men, women, children, babies. everyone gets flannels!

-no makeup

-for afab folks, cut ur hair! if ur parents dont want u gettin it all short, get it to ur neck/shoulders

-CLOTHES WITH NB COLORS. god i tye-dyed a shirt with yellow, black and purple and it was soooo nice to wear on super androgynous days

-amab= feminine clothes, afab= masculine clothes! pushing away from your assigned gender is just as important as pulling towards androgynous!

-oversized band/fandom shirts! not only super gender-neutral, also a good icebreaker. “you like stranger things, too? are you excited for season 3?”

i rlly hope this helps you! 

-If you’d rather not or can’t cut your long hair, middle part it rather than side parting it! It helps, if you’re aiming to make it look less feminine. And if you want short hair to look less masculine, try side parting it, shaving one side, curling it, or putting in hair clips!

-Boxy shirts that are a lil baggy but not super baggy are good if you want to make your chest looks flat!

-Confuse tf out of people!! Wear a button up, bow tie, shorts, and tights; liptick with stubble, combos like that!

-Cuffing pants usually looks more masculine; rolling pant legs usually looks more feminine

-Doc martens/any similar boots (esp ankle boots) are hella gender neutral

-Mom jeans 👌👌👌

-Darker colors help to mask where you are and aren’t curved

-Roll The Tee Shirt Sleeves