AU where Minerva McGonagall has a little less faith in Albus Dumbledore so she does agree to leave Harry at the Dursleys.
But then proceeds to move right in next door with her wife because Albus never said that she couldn’t.
So Harry grows up with two grandmalike aunties next door, who basically finnagle him into living with them in all but name. It’s great, until he gets to Hogwarts because he keeps accidentally calling McGonagall Aunt Min instead of Professor.
The more I think about this the better it gets because suddenly a small biracial orphan appearing on the Dursley’s doorstep is less scandalous and gossip worthy in the
pasty ass white suburbia of Privet Drive, when it’s compared to the elderly lesbian interracial couple who moved in next door.
Okay this has an amazing amount of potential for Harry, but I am very filled with curiosity about Minerva’s wife.
1) Who is she? and more importantly
2) How did this marriage come to pass?
I mean I am all for Minerva McGonagall having had a wife already at this juncture in her life, but consider
1) Utter BAMF who is acknowledged to be out of everyone’s league Minerva McGonagall walking into a Ministry break room full of lady Aurors and the like and saying, “I have a child that needs looking after and a neighborhood full of prats who need scandalizing and will marry the first woman to say yes” and there is a moment’s shock and then the verbal equivalent of half a dozen bridesmaids diving for the bouquet with one clear winner who was a split second faster on the uptake and they end up in love by the time Harry is old enough to toddle properly.
2) The house next door is being sold by the daughter of its occupant who just inherited it and wants nothing to do with Little Whinging except to inflict herself on all the narrow-minded bastards long enough to get a good price for it; when Minerva walks in the door there is a mental adjustment that leaves her swooning (or maybe that’s Minerva) and after tea, dinner, and certain other activities she invites Minerva to live with her instead of selling it.
3) Minerva specifically tracks down the schoolmate she knows to be best at making stupid people regret everything, and asks her to pretend to be her wife, share a house in Little Whinging with her, and help keep an eye on Harry Potter. Both of them solidly overestimated their ability to keep the relationship fake.
hey here’s something I learned only today despite being a lifelong Harry Potter reader
Hagrid is 12 fucking feet tall
people are having a laugh at me for not knowing this but can you blame me? i thought “really tall” was like… 8-9 feet maximum. 12 feet is a fucking lot
Soooo…uhh…
…let’s talk about this.
I feel like—we—we definitely need to talk about this.
So my conflict is that I love teddy but I hard core ship wolfstar- so here’s how I fixed it in my head.
So, like, Tonks is asexual- never wanted anyone, never needed anyone- wants to be a career girl. And of course Remus is still hung up over Sirius after OoTP- werewolves mate for life. So one night they both have the late watch for the order, and they stay later and get drunk on firewhisky- and they’re just like, “why not experiment?” So they have terrible drunk sex cos Remus has no clue what he’s doing with a girl, and Tonks is just like, “I don’t see what’s so great about it.” And they’re laughing and it’s jus friends fucking around (literally). And the next morning Remus is feeling terrible and Tonks just picks up on it. And she tells Lupin “hey, Sirius wouldn’t feel betrayed that you had terrible drunk sex with your best friend. He’d probably laugh and tell you how to do it better.” And all is well and good until Tonks realises she’s pregnant, and she talks with lupin and he just suggests they live together and get married- it’s not like either of them will ever really fall in love with anyone else. So they get married for propriety’s sake and move in together and of course they survive the war (cos DAMMIT JOANNE, you can’t just kill everyone we love!) and it’s like two bachelors chilling together avec punk child. And everyone who sleeps over at Teddy’s is always asking if his parents are fighting when they go off to separate rooms to sleep, and Teddy’s confused, because like, why would they think that? Remus and Tonks were just hugging and joking and laughing earlier that evening when Teddy and his friends were having dinner. And it takes a while before he learns that most parents sleep together and are romantically inclined and aren’t just two best friends raising a kid. But he wouldn’t have it any other way, because it’s much more relaxed when they’re just friends and there’s no jealousy and no worries if one of them goes out for the night with a mixed group, and no disgusting PDA. But he’s curious about it anyway, so he asks why they don’t act like most couples, so they sit him down explain that mum isn’t romantically inclined and dad lost the love of his life, and all they had left was each other, best friends, so they got together and had Teddy and made their own eccentric little family and they’re happy, because maybe it’s not what they envisioned or wanted at first, but it’s what they have, and it’s enough and they love it’s other
Charlie wondering why everyone is so focused on who’s dating who
Charlie shyly turning down all the girls that ask him out
Girls getting mad at him and guys asking him what the fuck is wrong with you! After he turns down hot girl after hot girl.
Bill being super protective over Charlie and beating up on anyone who makes fun of him
Bill asking Charlie if he’s into guys and Charlie telling him no he’s not into guys or girls. He’d rather focus on his studies
Charlie coming across asexuality and realizing that it describes him perfectly.
Asexual Charlie coming out to Bill who smiles and says “I knew it”
Mrs. Weasley constantly asking him when he’s going to bring home a nice girl and when he tells her never she moves on to how about a nice guy?
Asexual Charlie having enough of it and deciding to come out to the rest of his family. They are confused and have questions but mostly accept him (helps that Bill just came out as bi not too long ago)
Mrs. Weasley agonizing over not having grandchildren and how unhappy Charlie will be all alone
Asexual Charlie going off on his mom telling her that he doesn’t want kids and he is quite happy studying dragons thank you very much. You have plenty of other kids who will give you grandchildren.
Asexual Charlie going back to Romania and getting a package from his mum containing a sweater in ace flag colors with a C on it.
Whenever anyone questions him about dating he just smiles and says he’s “more interested in dragons that he is about girls”
Harry Potter star Dan Radcliffe has issued some criticisms against Warner Brothers and the film’s production team for continuing to employ Johnny Depp despite the allegations made against the Grindelwald actor.
“I suppose the thing I was struck by was, we did have a guy who was reprimanded for weed on the [original Potter] film, essentially, so obviously what Johnny has been accused of is much greater than that.”
me @ danrad
I appreciate that he’s just very “you fired a teenager for smoking weed but you’re going to defend a wife beater? Thanks for the job and everything but fuck all of you.”
literally how hard would it have been for jkr to say something like “listen I was writing it in the 90s, I was inexperienced, I was writing from my own point of view, I didn’t realise how underrepresented a lot of people are, I wasn’t thinking about anything other than the plot, I accept that it’s a little sparse on the diversity front, I can try to be more self aware with my future works” etc etc instead of.. this nonsense
¯_( ಠ_ಠ)_/¯ 