“Authors can’t use it in fantasy fiction, eh? We’ll see about that…”
–Terry Pratchett, probably
Try to implement anything but a conservative’s sixth grade education level of medieval or Victorian times and you will butt into this. all. the. time.
There was a literaly fad in the 1890′s for nipple rings for all genders(and NO, it was NOT under the mistaken belief that it would help breastfeeding–there’s LOTS of doctors’ writing at the time telling people to STOP and that they thought it would ruin the breast’s ability to breastfeed well, etc). It was straight up because the Victorians were freaks, okay Imagine trying to make a Victorian character with nipple rings. IMAGINE THE ACCUSATIONS OF GROSS HISTORICAL INACCURACY
people just really, REALLY have entrenched ideas of what people in the past were like
tell them the vikings were clean, had a complex democratic legal system, respected women, had freeform rap battles, and had child support payments? theyd call you a liar
tell them that chopsticks became popular in china during the bronze age because street food vendors were all the rage and they wanted to have disposable eating utensils? theyll say youre making that up
tell them native americans had a trade network stretching from canada to peru and built sacred mounds bigger then the pyramids of giza? you are some SJW twisting facts
ancient egypt had circular saws, debt cards, and eye surgery? are you high?
our misconception of medieval peasants being illiterate and living in poverty in one room mud huts being their own creation as part of a century long tax aversion scam? you stole that from the game of thrones reject bin
iron age india had stone telescopes, air conditioning, and the number 0 along with all ‘arabic’ numbers including algebra and calculus? i understand some of those words.
romans had accurate maps detailing vacation travel times along with a star rating for hotels along the way, fast food restaurants, swiss army knives, black soldiers in brittany, traded with china, and that soldiers wrote thank-you notes when their parents sent them underwear in the mail? but they thought the earth was flat!
ancient bronze age mesopotamia had pedantic complaints sent to merchants about crappy goods, comedic performances, and transgender/nobinary representation? what are you smoking?
Truth is stranger than fiction, and history is weirder than you think.
this post gets better every time it comes across my dash. To provide some more: those Romans also had vending machines, automated puppet plays, doors that opened to the sound of horns when you lit a fire in front of them, and working steam engines. All invented by one dude, Hero of Alexandria.
People generally want to think that the Dark Ages is the sum of the entire history of the world.
Charlemagne had a frigging PET ELEPHANT, sent as a present by the Caliph over in Bahgdad.
Emperor Frederick II. (around 1200) crossed the Alps with his own private zoo, including giraffes, in order to impress and dazzle his Germanic subjects, and it frigging worked. He also introduced legislation that a doctor was not allowed to also sell medicine (to prevent obvious charlatanery), but had to write a recipe for an apothecary to then redeem, which is a system STILL IN USE in Germany and other countries. He spoke several language, was tolerant towards his Muslim subjects in southern Italy (you read that correctly) and was opposed to trial by combat on reasons of it being unfair and irrational. Oh, and he wrote a book on ornithology.
Ancient Persians knew how to make frozen desserts even in summer, thus basically being the inventors of ice cream.
Medieval monks had an efficient way of testing for pregnacy (by pouring the urine of a woman on a toad, which, if the woman was pregnant, would change colour…).
Make a Vampire character who’s lived through several waves of the common language’s development and can’t let go if certain gramatical habbits from different time eras.
So like, thou ist a horrid creature, an absolute cur, but go off i guess
… can i use that phrase irl?
Absolutely you can and I encourage more uses of similar phrases that just completely fuck up the chronology of the english langauge. I wanna hear 15th century english mixed with surfer speak mixed with current age internet lingo like all the time.
Like this? Well my dude, seems like a weasel hath not such a deal of splean as you’re toss’d with. Chill already, you’re not valid.
You are an unrighteous, bastardly gullion. Heaven truly
knows that thou art false as hell. When you die, I will face God and walk
backwards into hell just so that I can beat your ass in the afterlife too.
I love the idea of a vampire who’s language travels back in time as they get pissed.
I grieve for thee in these trying times. Alexa play Despacito
I CAN EXPLAIN THIS so basically there’s this type of bonnet called a ‘poke bonnet’ and they look like this:
and in the regency there was this trend of the front part getting longer and longer until you couldn’t really see the wearer’s face… and people have been mean for all history and love to really deride and rip into the fashion trends of young women, so satirical cartoons like the one above popped up that were basically trying to say ‘hurr dburr stupid poke bonnets soon we won’t even be able to talk to women unless we stick our damn FACES INSIDE THEIR HATS!’
and yeah so that’s why we have a drawing of what looks like women sucking men’s heads off floating around tumblr
let’s bring back poke bonnets so ppl will have to leave me alone
I think the most compelling part of this comic is the two women in the background who are having a conversation without their bonnets even touching but all the men feel they have the right to invade the women’s spaces as much as possible
i know right? the woman in pink is clearly not having a good time
Satirical Regency Artist: Women, if these hats get any bigger, it’s going to be very difficult for men to mash our faces right up against yours!
Regency Hatter: *maintains eye-contact as she sews a massive goddamn brim onto a new hat* Imagine that.
my favorite era in history is the one where people discovered you could make cartoons out of typography and newspapers would run articles that were just like “today dennis the intern figured out how to draw a dog with the typewriter so here it is”
suggesting on this hellsite that a historical figure might have been bisexual: um sweaty they didn’t use those labels back then so it’s a bit of a stretch to apply them retroactively, also we all know that bisexuality was only invented like ten years ago (if I’m being generous) so yeah, not very likely
suggesting that a historical figure might have been gay or lesbian on this hellsite: yes! you’re absolutely correct! this interpretation of their sexuality is the only correct one and if you disagree you’re a homophobe/lesbophobe and also probably a pedophile
alternative reaction to suggesting that a historical figure might have bisexual on this hellsite: um sweaty are you sure you want to claim them as a historical LGBT+ figure? because I’ve been digging for information on them and found that they did this terrible thing when they were five (they apologized for it, but I’m not going to mention that) so yeah they’re not really a good example of representation for the community since they’re basically hitler if you think about it, sowwy uwu
I know this has to do with Freddie Mercury, but I see this a lot in the Hamilton fandom as well.
fun fact: I had both of them on my mind when I wrote this
I remember one blog that I used to follow a long time ago had a url was that was something like “alexanderhamiltonwasbi” and they were constantly inundated with people complaining that Alexander Hamilton was a less than perfect person so we really shouldn’t be speculating about his sexuality.
Just homophobe/biphobe things: Only people who I 100% agree with can have a valid sexuality. This is not bigoted at all.
Suggesting that a historical figure could have been ace/aro: Uhhh no way any person who didn’t mention their sexuality or just wanted close friends was clearly a closeted gay person and assuming that they were ace/aro based on how they lived thier life is homophobic ace/aro people didn’t even exist back then so checkmate inclusionists
So I’m back at it with a text post you didn’t know you needed!
School is coming up and let’s face it, musicals are way more interesting than teachers rambling, power points, note taking, etc. So I’m here to maybe help you with that!
If I forgot any please let me know because most of these I don’t listen to but now that I’m finally taking a history course my junior year I thought I’d help others that are struggling.
1500 // Two men are imprisoned for foreclosing a monastery by the Spanish Inquisition: Man of La Mancha
1590 // French Village Life:Martin Guerre
1776 // The signing of the Declaration of Independence: 1776
1776 // The Founding Father, Benjamin Franklin’s foreign adventure to form an alliance: Ben Franklin in Paris
1789 // The French Monarchs being taken to the guillotine (French Revolution):1789: Les Amants de la Bastille
1792 // The first 100 years in The White House: A White House Cantata (or 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue)
1793 // The French Revolution:Scarlett Pimpernel
1755-1804 // Alexander Hamilton, a determined founding father who never stopped: Hamilton
fun fact: he’s my first cousin eight times removed
1804-1806 // The exploration of The Louisiana Purchase: Adventures of Lewis and Clark
1812 // The French Invasion on Russia (this is also based off the novel War and Peace): Natasha, Pierre, and The Great Comet of 1812
1832 // June Rebellion or The Paris Uprising: Les Misérables
1767-1845 // Andrew Jackson, the American “Hitler”: Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson
1853 // The westernization of Japan: Pacific Overtures
1861-1865 // The American Civil War: The Civil War
1865 // Assassination of Abraham Lincoln: Assassins
1871 // This is about the 72 days that workers governed France:Paris Commune
1881 // Assassination of James A. Garfield: Assassins
1893 // This covers the trial of Lizzie Borden, a Massachusetts girl accused of murdering her father and stepmom with an axe:Lizzie the Musical
1893 // New Zealand was the first country to allow women to vote, thanks to Kate Sheppard:That Bloody Woman
1899 // The Newstrike in New York against Joseph Pulitzer and William Hearst: Newsies
1900 // This musical is very informative when it comes to immigration racial tensions at the turn of the 20th century (also includes known historical figures, e.g. Harry Houdini, Booker T. Washington, and Emma Goldman):Ragtime
1904 // A Jewish family in Imperial Russia who faces struggling with their traditions and the Tsar forcing them out of their village: Fiddler on the Roof
1912 // The sinking of the Titanic on it’s first voyage: Titanic
1913 // The KKK and Anti-Defamation League: Parade
1914-1918 // A family and their struggles and triumphs during World War I: Oh! What a Lovely War
1924 // The trials of two women, Beulah Annan and Belva Gaertner, accused of killing their significant others: Chicago
1925 // Cave explorer, Floyd Collins, and his cave exploring adventures: Floyd Collins
1860-1926 // Annie Oakley, prize-winning sharpshooter in Buffalo Bill’s Wild West: Annie, Get Your Gun
1905 // This musical is about Rasputin and the fall of the Russian Empire:Beardo
1907-1927 // The daughter of many conspiracy theories, and of Tsar Nicholas II, who watched the Russian Empire fall: Anastasia
(the musical itself isn’t very factual, but if you enjoy listening to it, you’ll definitely enjoy the history and hard truths of the Romanov family)
1931 // The Scottsboro Trial, which created two rights for criminal defendents: The Scottsboro Boys
1931 // Night club setting, but gives you an overall Nazi Germany feel, and includes one Jewish character:Cabaret
1867-1932 // The life of Margaret Brown, a brave woman who survived the sinking of the Titanic: The Unsinkable Molly Brown
1932-1934 // Bonnie and Clyde, two criminals that traveled and murdered people during The Great Depression: Bonnie & Clyde
1942 // A Japanese family is removed from their home and are moved to a Japanese-American internment camp: Allegiance
1945 // Following the end of World War II, this musical shows the reality of loss and PTSD that we tend to not talk about:Bandstand
1939-1945 // A story of a Jewish internment camp in Czechoslovakia: Signs of Life
1924-1950 // Tells the story of a Jewish couple (Kurt Weill & Lotte Lenya) as World War II begins: LoveMusik
1946-1952 // First Lady of Argentina, Eva Perón: Evita
1962 // American Civil Rights movement, with talks about segregation in schools and on TV: Hairspray
1963 // Assassination of John F. Kennedy: Assassins
1975 // Racism, colonialism, vietnam war, but is also problematic: Miss Saigon
1979-1981 // A musical that mixes Yiddish Americans and the AID crisis that shows the heavy struggles small families can have: Falsettos
1984-1985 // The coal miner’s strike of England with some mentions of Margaret Thatcher:Billy Elliot
2001 // 9-11 Attacks: Come From Away
Please feel free to message me or comment one I missed and I will gladly edit it!
I didn’t think Ninjas were real, just spy’s and sometimes assassins but no one you’d specifically call “ninja”
Ninja is something of an affectation from later eras being backwards projected onto history. However, there were a number of groups that specialized in infiltration, sabotage, assassination, espionage and other “irregular warfare” tactics, often passed down in familial lines. The Iga clan of the Tokugawa period is a notable example.
The general distinction for the historical ninja groups as opposed to someone who just performed irregular warfare (like a guerrilla or a spy), was that the ninja in question had to be a mercenary, operating outside of the feudal hierarchy, and had to be a professional, so no slitting throats as a side-hobby.
Hey, wanna know why the modern idea of ninja is “wears black clothes”?
These are “Kuroko”.
Kuroko are men and women fully dressed in black and that wear tabi on their feet. They are Kabuki theater stagehands. When they are on stage, the audience is supposed to ignore them, pretend they aren’t there, as they are “special effects”, not people per se on the stage.
Well, see, some Kabuki plays liked to play with this idea.
In certain plays, a notorious character will suddenly get stabbed by a Kuroko and die. This is shocking to the audience because Kuroko are just straight up not supposed to exist as people or characters in the play, but suddenly, one of these special effects just murdered someone. Then, they’d remove the face covering veil and reveal they were one of the characters all along.
It was a meta manner of narrative, basically. A plot twist, if you will.
That’s why the modern image of Ninja was derived from Kuroko: Unexpected Assassins, striking when no one is supposed to strike, and gone like the wind, just like that.
“Ninja” actually looked like this:
Just your regular run of the mill peasant.
That was the entire point.
To not be noticed. To be one with the crowd.
Espionage history !
As both a ninja AND a theater kid- this pleases me
I love the picture from the stage up there – your eyes do sort of just slide right over the Kuroko helping the actress stand and show off.
My favorite part about 1931 Dracula is that there are armadillos running around Dracula’s castle.
Look at this it’s like they couldn’t find any rats so they just were like “eh close enough no one will notice”. But I noticed. I noticed.
“WE NAILED IT BOYS”
Apparently in the 20s and 30s, armadillos weren’t very commonly known, so moviemakers would use them wherever they needed some creepy, ‘demonic’ animal running around. So there were a lot of armadillos in early filmmaking, and it was often people’s only source of reference for armadillos.
Fast forward twenty years to when the father of the biology professor who told me this is driving out from the east coast to see his son in California. Crossing the southwest at night.
An armadillo runs across the road.
He comes to a screeching halt and the Thing Of Evil, which he never knew was actually a real animal, trots the rest of the way across the road and vanishes into the desert.
¯_( ಠ_ಠ)_/¯ 