fierce-katzchen:

unclefather:

ketchupcapacity:

matt-ruins-feminisms-shit:

hooligan-nova:

nflstreet:

Shakira Law

Do we start with:

1. The fact that this is clearly supposed to be the One Ring from Lord of the Rings

2. “Shakira Law”

3. The implication that children either know arabic or will become muslims by eating a donut.

4. “Free Islamic Donut”

5. or that starbucks is giving kids weird donuts for free and expects there to be no questions about the intricate writing.

One donut to fool them all 

6. Starbucks doesn’t sell donuts

There is one and only one shakira law.
1. Thou hips shalt not lie

How do you fuck up this bad

esser-z:

sainatsukino:

linguisticparadox:

audreycritter:

whetstonefires:

whetstonefires:

tiny-smol-beastie:

reformedkingsmanagent:

wizard-guff:

storywonker:

penny-anna:

penny-anna:

penny-anna:

Legolas pretty quickly gets in the habit of venting about his travelling companions in Elvish, so long as Gandalf & Aragorn aren’t in earshot they’ll never know right?

Then about a week into their journey like

Legolas: *in Elvish, for approximately the 20th time* ugh fucking hobbits, so annoying

Frodo: *also in Elvish, deadpan* yeah we’re the worst

Legolas:

~*~earlier~*~

Legolas: ugh fucking hobbits

Merry: Frodo what’d he say

Frodo: I’m not sure he speaks a weird dialect but I think he’s insulting us. I should tell him I can understand Elvish

Merry: I mean you could do that but consider

Merry: you can only tell him ONCE

Frodo: Merry. You’re absolutely right. I’ll wait.

#legolas’ hick accent vs #frodo’s ‘i learned it out of a book’ accent #FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

Legolas: umm well your accent is horrible

Aragorn: *hollering from a distance* HIS ACCENT IS BETTER THAN YOURS LEGOLAS YOU SILVAN HICK

Frodo: 🙂

Frodo: Hello. My name is Frodo. I am a Hobbit. How are you?

Legolas: y’alld’ve’ff’ve

Frodo, crying: please I can’t understand what you’r saying

Ok, but Frodo didn’t just learn out of a book. He learned like… Chaucerian Elvish. So actually:

Frodo: Good morrow to thee, frend. I hope we twain shalle bee moste excellente companions.

Legolas: Wots that mate? ‘Ere, you avin’ a giggle? Fookin’ ‘obbits, I sware.

Aragorn: *laughing too hard to walk*

@ghostriderofthearagon

dYinGggGggg…

i mean, honestly it’s amazing the Elves had as many languages and dialects as they did, considering Galadriel (for example) is over seven thousand years old.

english would probably have changed less since Chaucer’s time, if a lot of our cultural leaders from the thirteenth century were still alive and running things.

they’ve had like. seven generations since the sun happened, max.

frodo’s books are old to him, but outside any very old poetry copied down exactly, the dialect represented in them isn’t likely to be older than the Second Age, wherein Aragorn’s foster-father Elrond started out as a very young adult and grew into himself, and Legolas’ father was born.

so like, three to six thousand years old, maybe, which is probably a drop in the bucket of Elvish history judging by all the ethnic differentiation that had time to develop before Ungoliant came along, even if we can’t really tell because there weren’t years to count, before the Trees were destroyed.

plus a lot of Bilbo’s materials were probably directly from Elrond, whose library dates largely from the Third Age, probably, because he didn’t establish Imladris until after the Last Alliance. and Elrond isn’t the type to intentionally help Bilbo learn the wrong dialect and sound sillier than can be helped, even if everyone was humoring him more than a little.

so Frodo might sound hilariously formal for conversational use (though considering how most Elves use Westron he’s probably safe there) and kind of old-fashioned, but he’s not in any danger of being incomprehensible, because elves live on such a ridiculous timescale.

to over-analyse this awesome and hilarious post even more, legolas’ grandfather
was from linguistically stubborn Doriath and their family is actually from a
somewhat different, higher-status ethnic background than their subjects.

so depending on how much of a role Thranduil took in his
upbringing (and Oropher in his), Legolas may have some weird stilted old-fashioned speaking tics in his
Sindarin that reflect a more purely Doriathrin dialect rather than the Doriathrin-influenced Western Sindarin that became the most widely spoken Sindarin long before he was born, or he might have a School Voice
from having been taught how to Speak Proper and then lapse into really
obscure colloquial Avari dialect when he’s being casual. or both!

considering legolas’ moderately complicated political position, i expect he can code-switch.

…it’s
also fairly likely considering the linguistic politics involved that Legolas is reasonably articulate in Sindarin, though
with some level of accent, but knows approximately zero Quenya outside of loanwords into Sindarin, and even those he mostly didn’t learn as a kid.

which would be extra hilarious when he and gimli fetch up in Valinor in his little homemade skiff, if the first elves he meets have never been to Middle Earth and they’re just standing there on the beach reduced to miming about what is the short beard person, and who are you, and why.

this is elvish dialects and tolkien, okay. there’s a lot of canon material! he actually initially developed the history of middle-earth specifically to ground the linguistic development of the various Elvish languages!

Legolas: Alas, verily would I have dispatched thine enemy posthaste, but y’all’d’ve pitched a feckin’ fit.

Aragorn: *eyelid twitching*

Frodo: *frantically scribbling* Hang on which language are you even speaking right now

Pippin, confused: Is he not speaking Elvish?

Frodo, sarcastically: I dunno, are you speaking Hobbit?

Boromir, who has been lowkey pissed-off at the Hobbits’ weird dialect this whole time: That’s what it sounds like to me.

Merry, who actually knows some shit about Hobbit background: We are actually speaking multiple variants of the Shire dialect of Westron, you ignorant fuck.

Sam, a mere working-class country boy: Honestly y’all could be talkin Dwarvish half the time for all I know.

Pippin, entering Gondor and speaking to the castle steward: hey yo my man

Boromir, from beyond the grave: j e s u s

Tolkien would be SO PROUD of this post

whetstonefires:

siderealsandman:

fernstrike:

I need to talk about this for a second.

image

This is right after Gandalf says, “A balrog. A demon of the ancient world.”

I just love how PJ chose to cut to Legolas’ face because he is exactly who you should cut to at this moment. You need an elf to show what it really means. Other than Gandalf, the rest of the Fellowship can sense something is gravely wrong, but they don’t understand just how grave. Like Gandalf, Legolas knows the terror. He understands the gravity of what lies around that corner. He’s got a piddly little bow and he is mere steps away from a demon of the ancient world. This frame shows a kid coming to the realisation that he is way out of his depth, that this mission will take him to places he only knew to exist in legends of the Elder Days, a time long gone, barely history. 

He’s probably one of the youngest elves in Middle Earth at this point. He probably grew up on stories of the balrogs, slaying the ancient High Kings of the Eldar and tearing Middle Earth apart, thousands and thousands of years ago. They are legends in old crumbling books, read illicitly by a little elfling who was kept up at night by the terrible tales.They are the monsters under the bed and the shadows in the heart of the forest. They are the beasts behind the winged hordes of hell, that older elves, who’ve seen the worst that Arda has to offer, always assured him were no more than distant nightmares, stories relegated to dust and ancient memory. Except now they are real. They are here. They are coming.

The best part is that in the books he just starts screaming when he lays eyes on it

In its right hand was a blade like a stabbing tongue of fire; in its left hand it held a whip of many thongs.

‘Ai! ai! wailed Legolas. “A Balrog! A Balrog has come!’

Legolas can be relied upon to have the correct reaction to everything.

It is not necessarily normal, or socially appropriate, or sane, but it is always 100% correct.

elvish accents

cowboylegolas:

aragorn: a relatively neutral rivendell accént. first learned from hanging out with elladan and elrohir so it’s kind of vulgar some of the time because they’re uhhhhhhhhhhhh teenagers

  • elrond slams the door shut and whirls around to face his children. “who taught aragorn how to say fuck?” he demands. 
  • arwen and the twins eye each other suspiciously because it honestly could have been any one of them

legolas: my url speaks for itself. he’s howdy at best and completely unintelligible at worst.

  • “how are you today?” frodo asks
  • “i’m finer’n frog hair split four ways,” legolas says, baring his teeth in a smile
  • “why can’t you just speak to me in normal elvish like a normal person,” frodo asks, ripping up his a-z elvish dictionary

galadriel: an absolutely disgusting lothlórien accent 

  • aye guv. whats news 

Rank the lotr characters from dad-est to least dad

vampireapologist:

vampireapologist:

I’m gonna keep it to the Fellowship, or else this would gets Too Comprehensive:

  1. Aragorn
  2. Sam
  3. Boromir
  4. Gimli
  5. Merry
  6. Frodo
  7. Pip

Gandalf is a tired grandpa

Legolas didn’t make the list because the guy has absolutely zero dad energy. He’s the older brother your parents leave alone with you and your friends One (1) time because they think he’s finally responsible enough to be left in charge and they

Never

make that mistake again.

penny-anna:

penny-anna:

Can tell Merry & Pippin apart, of course they can, what kind of question is that: Frodo, Sam

Could not initially tell Merry & Pippin apart but made an effort to learn their names & can now tell them apart: Aragorn, Boromir

Try as he might cannot consistently tell Merry & Pippin apart: Gimli

Can absolutely tell Merry & Pippin apart but pretends not to be able to: Gandalf

Cannot tell Merry & Pippin apart and not even trying: Legolas

where do merry and pippin fall on this spectrum

What do you mean you can’t tell us apart, I’m much taller??: Merry

“I’m Merry”: Pippin

penny-anna:

Can tell Merry & Pippin apart, of course they can, what kind of question is that: Frodo, Sam

Could not initially tell Merry & Pippin apart but made an effort to learn their names & can now tell them apart: Aragorn, Boromir

Try as he might cannot consistently tell Merry & Pippin apart: Gimli

Can absolutely tell Merry & Pippin apart but pretends not to be able to: Gandalf

Cannot tell Merry & Pippin apart and not even trying: Legolas