Thinking les amis is a gay cult when courf first brings him to a meeting
grantaire tries to convince him its true
“have u ever met a gay person in your life marius” “..no?” “marius , me, your own room mate, is gay”
“i thought all the rainbows just meant u liked colors a lot”
literally the densest person on this earth
asked jehan if they were a boy or a girl and then was so embarrassed that he didnt talk to them for three weeks
called grantaire monsieur grantaire and grantaire just laid down on the floor
tried to call everyone monsieur or sir to be polite
half worried that being in this gay cult will make him gay
“for the love of god marius we are not a gay cult no grantaire we a re no t!!!”
once he feels comfortable with you hes the most affectionate person youve ever met
loves courfeyrac so much
would die for courfeyrac
once found courfeyrac asleep on the couch in his underwear after playing animal crossing
panicked bc he didnt know how to save his game for him
once got a bloody nose from enjolras because he thought he was cosette
kind of afraid of enjolras
has to ask courf what a blowjob is
which leads to courf giving him a very detailed sex talk
he doesnt look courfeyrac in the eye for a month afterwards
meets cosette bc grantaire wouldnt get off the floor after he called him monsieur and joly had to call in the professionals
just kind of stared at her
does not know how to act in any social situation whatsoever
at all
sometimes courf wakes up to marius next to him curled up in his blanket (he brought his own with him so he wouldnt have to wake courf up getting under his)
I’d forgotten that Combeferre just PEACES OUT OF THE ROOM immediately after murdering Marius in cold blood with “to be free” and deals his musical final blow FROM THE STAIRS.
(I had not forgotten that Enjolras tag teams with “Citizen, my mother is the Republic,” but it will NEVER NOT BE HILARIOUS and I will use any excuse to mention it again.)
The fact that everybody else leaves too, leaving Enjolras alone with Marius as Combeferre-whisperer, only strengthens my assumption that they have an official protocol for Combeferre comebacks.
Enjolras: That’s for if things get really hardcore. Or if you wanna blow up moons.
Marius: No one’s blowing up moons.
Enjolras: You just wanna suck the joy out of everything.
Okay, but have you considered: Marius as the world’s awkwardest vampire.
You know what though, the more I think about this the more sense it makes. Marius Pontmercy
Is already a “Baron”
Wears all black
Only goes out at night
Has one Romance and one Germanic language down; can easily find some place with empty castles
His father-in-law has slept in a coffin
Has a track record of reworking his ethical system to whatever suits his strongest interests; would definitely be able to rationalize eating people
Great at murder
Frequently seems to not know what decade it is
All his friends are dead
#the job market can be tough when the only skills on your resume are ‘German translation’ and ‘murder’#but I think Marius has this one down#Marius Pontmercy: actual Vampire?
¯_( ಠ_ಠ)_/¯ 