sugarbabykylo:

elodieunderglass:

damselindeduction:

disastergeek:

writernotwaiting:

mastreworld:

angryschnauzer:

cumaeansibyl:

elodieunderglass:

iwasawas-strings:

legolokiismighty:

theprettiestboy:

sillysadskeleton:

mazarinedrake:

Donald Trump is exactly the kind of person that Jesus would have thrown out of the temple and beaten with a stick, and the fact that so many self-identified Christians want to put him in office tells you pretty everything wrong with white American Christianity. 

Because Jesus had authority at temples and beat people.

I 100% can’t tell if you’re joking here but he actually did chase people out of a temple at least once for using religion for their own selfish gains, complete with literal table flipping and improvised whips

So really it’s not that he would have trump thrown out as much as he would storm in and accuse him of turning his father’s house into a den of thieves before upending a table on his head

Dude, Jesus not only chased them out, he broke stuff they were selling, let loose all of their animals, and fucking flipped all the money-changing tables.

Jesus 100% would have been chasing Trump out with a table leg.

Canon Jesus 10000% better than fanon Jesus

Canon Jesus did some very weird shit. Like, just before throwing the market out of the temple, he stole a donkey, then cursed a fig tree because it didn’t have any fruit on it. The next day, or possibly immediately, everyone was amazed that the fig tree he had cursed was withered. He must’ve been in a fuckin weird mood. Going through a Dark Period. The Chaotic Mage of Light losing his shit just a little bit.

“So, what the fuck was that, Jesus?” someone asked as they’re all looking at the horribly withered corpse of the poor cursed tree.

“The power of prayer,” Jesus said absently.

“… wait, is cursing literally a form of prayer? Because some Wiccans are going to be really upset about that, like, they have a whole threefold law thing, is this… okay?”

“Listen,” said Jesus, “If I tell a mountain to get back in the sea? The mountain will get in the fucking sea. Do you want me to tell you to get in the sea?”

And they were all like, “Good demo, Jesus. Good lesson.”

Meanwhile, he was having the aforementioned public brawl in the temple.

Just keep that in mind during this election cycle – viable answers for What Would Jesus Do include flipping tables, stealing animals and striking down shrubbery with magic, all in one week.

Before Holy Week in the church calendar comes the lesser-known festival of Christ Doesn’t Give A Fuck Week

I now have a mental image of Jesus as Negan from the walking dead, dolling out justice on religious heathens with a table leg studded with nails.

The fig tree incident happened because he was hungry and couldn’t find any fruit on it. Anyone who’s experienced low blood sugar can relate to that tantrum.

Jesus was hangry.

I believe this is my favorite post ever.

My favorite part of the “flipping tables at the temple” story is that before any of that went down, Jesus went out and wove his own whip with which to drive these people out.

I like to imagine him being just so angry, muttering under his breath while he braided together the scourge.

These mofos come into MY Father’s house…

I’d forgotten I’d written something in the middle of this and was like “haha … the fig tree…. classic”

@lokianawinchester

bankuei:

quasi-normalcy:

simonbitdiddle:

lindentreeisle:

kyraneko:

fierceawakening:

robotsandfrippary:

squirrelshideout:

lauralot89:

My mom said that today in church her pastor said in the sermon that Jesus told us to help the poor, and taking money away from public schools to give to charter schools only widens the gap between the rich and the poor.  She then added that Jesus spoke against adultery and lust and would not have approved of bragging about sexually assaulting women.  According to my mom, people got up and walked out.

The pastor also started the sermon by noting that she’d heard of another minister who read the entirety of the Sermon on the Mount at the pulpit, to be told by the so-called Christian parishioners after the service that it was offensive and they didn’t agree.

The Sermon on the Mount is straight up the words of Jesus.

I recently read an article that said, hypocritical Christians in America don’t actually worship Jesus. They worship America, and even then, it’s a very specific, self-centered idea of America.

YES.  EXACTLY.  

My mom’s church talks almost every Sunday about how Christians are called to welcome strangers and foreigners and does tons of stuff to help refugees because HELLO, IT’S RIGHT THERE. IN THE RED TEXT, NO LESS.

I don’t believe everything they believe, but I REALLY like those people.

What a lot of these people are is idolators.

Not in terms of the realness or unrealness of who they worship, but in terms of how they’ve warped their focus away from the reality and turned it towards a fantasy of their own construction.

By definition, an idol is an image with no god behind it.

What they have done is taken the idea of Jesus and created a false image of him, nothing like the reality, to carry around in their back pocket, or to wave around on signs, and pull out and shove in people’s faces to justify all manner of unChristlike behavior.

It is a “worship” that is fundamentally self-centered rather than deity-centered, wherein the deity in question is more of a pocketbook get-out-of-jail-free card than directive to live by, and more of a status symbol than a guiding light.

That people will, without a shred of self-awareness, rest themselves assured that Jesus would want them to tip their waitress with a Jesus pamphlet made to look like folded-up money (to take only one example out of many) is the ultimate dismissal of everything the original stood for.

There is a line in the Bible about Jesus meeting his false worshipers and saying “I do not know you.” It seems like plenty of so-called Christians have beaten him to the punch with how quick they are to say they don’t know him.

A lot of churches and organizations in America that call themselves Christian churches are in fact Christianist cults.  They no more represent Christianity than Daesh represents Islam.  In addition to the usual nonsense of so-called Christians being pro-war, anti-immigrant, racist, and so forth, there are a lot of sects/movements that are just completely toxic and not Christian at all, even though they use that label.  If you are Christian and want to have some fucking nightmares, google “christian dominionist,” or “prosperity gospel.”

Still think this is the most realistic diagram of the difference between the theological Jesus and the Comfortable Reinterpretation of Jesus.

American Christianity is, at this point, like the Cult of the Emperor in ancient Rome, which is simultaneously both ironic and appropriate given the history involved

I’ve been saying for too long now: “Too many Christians want to be the Romans”

crazyfrogofficial:

existentialterror:

airydisc:

have you guys seen this site where you can craft your own emojis out of other emoji bits (within reason)

I call this one BE NOT AFRAID

Revelation 4-8: Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all around,even under its wings. Day and night they never stop saying: ‘Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty,’

starlitgaydreams:

jesus: you will deny me three times

peter:

iopele:

voxiferous:

grumpsaesthetics:

grumpsaesthetics:

every year around christmas me and my grandma play this fun family game called “maybe you want to put jesus in your room instead, sweetie? :)”. now, it’s important to note that the jesus referred to in our game is not actually the real jesus christ, but instead a wooden figure i made in 2011 that has an uncanny resemblance to the lord and savior himself

so what happens is that i place jesus in our living room, and my grandma smiles and asks me if i don’t want to decorate my room with him instead. i ask her in return if she thinks my jesus figure is ugly (which he is), but she reassures me that this is not the case. however, a couple of days later jesus mysteriously disappears from our living room, and appear in my room instead

now, the real jesus christ might have been able to perform a miracle like this, but please remember that the jesus in our story is only a figure made out of wood. he can not move on his own, so i think we can safely say that my grandma is the prime suspect here

the first year i would often confront my grandma about this, but she would always make up an excuse and never straight up tell me she moved him because he’s so ugly it’s an embarrassment to the family

eventually i grew tired of her lies, so now we only move jesus around in silence. one second he’s in the living room, the next he’s back in my room. in a way i think this adds an extra element of excitement to the holiday season, because you never know for sure when jesus is going to be moved again

and so it begins..

i was not fucking ready for this photograph

… this photo makes the whole thing so much better and I cannot stop laughing help I need oxygen

genviehoney:

ysabelmystic:

I just heard my mom tell my brother, “when you die, you will go outside and garden until your father says you’re done” and it took me a second to realize that my brother was playing a videogame and this was not a theological discussion.

My boss once texted me “Find Jesus. He’ll open the door.”

It took me half an hour before I remembered that the head groundskeeper was named Jesus (Spanish pronunciation) & he had keys to our room. I honestly thought that it was a religious text.