The rest of the elves in the undying lands: the fact that any elf can fall in love with a human is sad and somewhat puzzling. We mourn Luthian and Arwen who dared to choose mortal life. That such a union is possible is both wonderous and sorrowful. We solemnly welcome the ringbearers though, the only ones who are not elves welcome in the undying lands due to the great burden they carried for the salvation of the world
Legolas showing up late on a half sunk raft holding up Gimli: HEY EVERYONE I MADE IT! MEET MY DWARF GIMLI! WE TOTALLY GOT MARRIED!
The other elves: (⊙_⊙)
Galadriel: this is hilarious. I love it! I completely and utterly give my full approval!
The other elves: щ(゜ロ゜щ)
“Meet my dwarf,” like there are many dwarves he could have brought but this one is his.
Legolas: I don’t know why everyone’s so shocked I can’t possibly be the first elf to do this.
Other Elves: YOU ARE DEFINITELY THE FIRST ELF TO DO THIS, YES!!!
Legolas: …Oh.
*whispered conversation with Gimli*
Legolas: Well tough beans if you want your own dwarves you’ll have to sail back for them yourselves.
You can pry the headcanon that Gimli is impeccably dressed all the time but Legolas has the most horrendous fashion taste and they bicker about it all the time from my cold, dead hands
everyone in fantasy novels is horny on main for elves and it’s honestly a travesty like why the hell would you want to marry an elf you’ll just spend the rest of your days growing old in the woods with a bunch of immortal bastards whose heads are so far up their asses they think singing week-long ballads is prime entertainment and say shit like “thou” and “beseech” unironically y’all should be hooking up with dwarves who 1. actually know how to throw the fuck down and let loose at a party 2. will literally shower you in diamond dust and gold they mined and crafted with their bare hands and 3. can sling you over their shoulder like a sack of potatoes with their huge muscular arms developed from hours of said mining and crafting. there’s literally no contest.
Legolas ghostwrote this
Yes, yes he did
Gimli: Remember that time you dared me to lick the swing set?
Legolas: No, I said “Gimli, don’t lick the swing set,” then you said “Don’t tell me what to do, elf,” and then you licked the swing set.
One of the best things about Gimli going to Valinor is the way it happened. Like if he’d been invited to go along on one of the swan boats by Galadriel or something that would be reasonable, still completely unheard of but it makes sense that someone like her could talk the Valar into letting him in. But no, he goes with freaking Legolas. Legolas, who was eloquently described in one post as “the baby gay dudebro redneck of the elves.” Legolas, who missed all the boats to Valinor because he was running around having adventures, and then when he decided to finally go, having never seen the ocean in his life, went “I’ll just build my own boat how hard can it be” and presumably just showed up to Valinor 15 decades late on what I like to imagine was a barely seaworthy disaster of a boat and some random dwarf in tow like “this is fine right?” in the ugliest Sindarin accent ever to grace its white shores.
The implication being that the Valar, when confronted with this situation, all shrugged wearily and said “sure, why not.”
me, looking at the current state of the world, crying:I wish none of this had happened…
Gandalf, materialising in my conscience, smiling kindly: So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world, besides the will of evil.
This is wonderfully helpful.
Legolas: *walking around still disappointed six hours after visiting an aquarium*
Gimli: What did you think a tiger shark was, Legolas?
Legolas: It’s probably my dad. *checks phone* Called it. Hey, dad. It’s Legolas. Mm-hmm. Yes, sir. I’m at the home of Gimli. Mm-hmm. Yes, sir. We’re– we’re just hanging out. Oh… Gimli’s parents. They’re, uh– they’re in the next room. You would like to talk to Gimli’s dad? Oh, okay. Hold on a moment.
Gimli: That’s gonna be pretty hard since my dad’s really far away.
Legolas: I can’t tell him that!
Gimli: Gandalf, quick– you have to pretend to be my dad to talk to Legolas’ dad.
Gandalf: *takes the phone* Hello. This… is dad Gimli. Yes. The children are playing swords. Sorry– playing with swords. They are bleeding. Oh no, they are dead. Don’t call again. *hangs up the phone and hands it back to Gimli* Sorry, I panicked.
¯_( ಠ_ಠ)_/¯ 