Gender / Orientation is not a diagnosis.

acemindbreaker:

nbandproud:

“I feel like X and Y and Z. What am I?”

“I identify as A, but my friend says I’m more like B. Who’s right?”

“I express C through D. Is this E?”

The answer will always, always be that you should decide that by yourself.

We get questions at @ask-pride-color-schemes – and not only that, I see many similar questions directed at other blogs – that act like there are people that are the Grand Arbitrers of Identity, that we will be able to figure out Your True Identity and then you’ll be happy with it forever, but it doesn’t work like that.

What we have is experience and resources that may help you when we explain what certain labels mean, or when we try to interpret what you mean and narrow down your search to a few named identities, if what you describe is accurate and if there are accurate words to describe what you are describing.

But we can’t know what your experiences with certain words

are, or if you are omitting something important because of shame/internalized hatred, or if your vocabulary is kind of off and then we think neutrality when you meant between male and female, or we think woman-aligned when you meant feminine.

And we understand that we can’t know for sure what you feel! Or that you may not know how to express how you feel! Or that what you feel may change! And it’s ok if you word questions like absolutes because you didn’t think about what it was implying and not because you expect an “expert answer” that puts all your doubts to rest. But please don’t expect us to know everything that you know/experience.

[If you can’t see it because you are on mobile, there’s a cut here.]

Keep reading

Yes.

Only you can decide what labels work for you. Even if they make no sense to someone else, if they work for you, you can use them.

If there’s a highly-specific microlabel that accurately describes you, you don’t have to use it. Even if one of the standard labels describe you, you don’t have to call yourself that. You can be a woman who is only attracted to other women and not consider yourself lesbian if you don’t feel comfortable with that term.

You can reclaim slurs if you want to describe yourself with them. You can say ‘this identity term feels like a slur to me so don’t call me that’.

You can change what labels you use if they no longer feel right. You can change them because you were mistaken about what they meant, because you were mistaken about yourself, or because your feelings have changed over time (like switching from straight to heteroflexible because you found that one exception you’re attracted to).

You can use labels to align with a community. I know straight trans guys who still feel a connection to the label of lesbian, because they came out as that first.

Labels serve you, not the other way around. And your labels belong to you. You are responsible for finding the right labels and using them in the right ways, because no one else can tell you what labels you should use.