APPARENTLY MY MOMS BOYFRIEND HAD JURY DUTY WITH JOHN MULANEY AND WAS SITTING NEXT TO HIM
imagine going to the jury and seeing him like i wouldn’t be able to keep it together emotionally i’d just be disqualified the plaintiff would be like “he stole my assets” and i’d be like I Have Fired The Criminal Catcher
John Mulaney, a man who is iconically known for loving his wife, after being told by Jerry Seinfeld that his wife only thinks shes good at something
Well done OP, you’ve managed to capture the moment John’s spirit left his body
Jerry’s lucky that John is too polite to throw hands
Okay but I just went and watched this for myself and it’s WORSE
He’s. So uncomfortable. It’s obvious. I cut out the part where John kind of muttered, “That is true, isn’t it” about how all men think they’re funny, but his face is just screwed up in this ‘oh god what have i done what have i signed up for this is not good and this will probably go into my next comedy special of awkwardness’
Just watched this omg bless john bc jerry just keeps trying to do some “take my wife” bullshit and john very politely goes no, no.
proud of John for restraining himself from murdering a man on camera
What’s so horrifying about this to me is that this is literally Jerry Seinfeld trying to teach John Mulaney how to gaslight his wife.
Look at that dialogue. “She thinks she knows.” He’s trying to get Mulaney to see his wife’s expertise as instead a weird misperception. He’s coaching him to undercut his wife’s confidence in the truth and her own abilities.
And Mulaney replies exactly the right way: “She does know.” He asserts not only that she’s perceiving the world accurately, but that she is an expert at something he’s not good at.
Dudes, don’t take this shit from other dudes. Mulaney isn’t by any means perfect but he aced this. Stand for the truth. Defend women’s objectivity. Promote women’s expertise.
Doesnt his wife also work with antiques too?like. Isnt that part of her actual job?
I reblog this every time because I don’t think people understand that Anna is literally an interior designer. She makes absolutely stunning Victorian Lampshades. Which she designs.. for the interior of a home… she’s literally an interior designer. She doesn’t think she’s good at it, she knows she’s good at it because it’s her fucking job
ok but can we like start a petition for Cards Against Humanity to make a John Mulaney themed pack because i would be willing to spend all my money on that
Suggestions:
Black cards-
• THERES A ______ LOOSE! IN THE HOSPITAL
• Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell ________
• Canceling plans is like ________
• Do my friends hate me? Or do I just need _____
• You have the moral backbone of a _______
• I’ll keep all of my ___________ right here and the one day I’ll die
White Cards-
• what’s new pussycat played 7 times followed by its not unusual followed by what’s new pussy cat
• smoking cocaine the night before your college graduation
• a 28 year old healthy man trying his best
• one black coffee
• STREET SMARTS
• shushing animals even though they’ve never spoken
concept: a game called “john mulaney or cecil palmer?” where you have to guess if a quote was said by popular stand-up comedian john mulaney or fictional radio host cecil gershwin palmer
this might sound easy, but please keep in mind that john mulaney has
said “whoa, that tall child looks terrible! get some rest, tall child!
you can’t keep burning the candle at both ends!” and cecil palmer has
said “alligators: can they kill your children? yes.”
Let’s go:
“There is a thin semantic line separating weird and beautiful, and that line is covered in jellyfish.”
“Guns don’t kill people. Blood loss and organ damage do.”
“I’ll keep all my emotions right here, and then one day I’ll die.”
“Something happened here. Hope it’s a miracle, but probably not.“
“We found a pool of the killer’s blood. Hm, gross! Mop it up!”
“Remember: if you see something, say nothing, and drink to forget.“
“It is one hundred percent easier not to do things than to do them.”
“And it is possible that I am alone in an empty universe, speaking to no one, unaware that the world is held aloft merely by my delusions”
“We do not have answers. I am not certain we even have questions.“
“Regret nothing, until it is too late. Then, regret everything.“
¯_( ಠ_ಠ)_/¯ 