I think it is important to remember that the amis are students and that if they had lived today, they most likely would have lived in student housing aka shared flats with a disgusting kitchen that is cleaned once every term.
Les amis (and others) as that guy you end up living with in your first year of uni:
Enjolras: That guy who always puts up angry notes about how everyone needs to clean up after themselves (but never does it himself)
Bossuet: That guy who sets off the fire alarm at 6 in the morning every third week.
Cosette: That guy who’s always saying “I need to get back to studying” and then stays in the kitchen chatting about nothing for another three hours.
Montparnasse: That guy at the end of the corridor that no-one has ever seen, and who might be dead, or might have moved out months ago. No-one knows.
Jehan: That guy who always cooks or bakes for everyone in the flat.
Joly: The only guy who actually does any cleaning or takes out the trash. Also “tests” his flatmates every now and then to see if they would notice if he just leaves the trash to rot in the corner of the kitchen. They never do, and he gives up after a couple of days because it’s just filthy and he can’t live like this.
Musichetta: That guy who has friends over ALL. THE. TIME.
Feuilly: That guy who isn’t a student and who is illegally staying in his “friend’s” room for “just a few days” for the whole year.
Courfeyrac: That guy who always has really loud sex.
Bahorel: That guy who is trying to hook up with everyone in the flat.
Éponine: That guy who steals everyone’s food and cutlery all the time.
Combeferre: That guy who seems to live of Pot Noodles and coffee.
Grantaire: That guy who never wears proper clothes.
Marius: That guy who passes out in the hallway every weekend.
Marius: FIRE!!! THERE’S A FIRE!!! Wait nevermind sorry
Enjolras: Sit in that chair in the corner and think about your life decisions and why they suck
Combeferre: Okay, WHO TAPED A PENTAGON ON THE STAGE?
Montparnasse: don’t even bother looking in the costume room I hid a dead body in there
Feuilly: I FOUND A DOOR WHERE DO YOU WANT ME TO PUT IT
Musichetta: You are all my children, but if you whip each other with towels one more time, you will each be disowned
Bossuet: I HAVE THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY SIDE *trips down the stairs*
Courfeyrac and Gavroche: *harmonizing to the tune of livin’ on a prayer* WOAH WE’RE NOT QUITE THERE WOAH STANDING ON A CHAIR TAKE MY LIFE OR TAKE MY HAIR WOAH A PICKLE AND A BEAR
Eponine: You can’t make gay jokes when I’m not here!!! Those are MY thing stop stealing my thunder!!!!
Jehan: *bowing aggressively* thank you, thank you, I want to die
Grantaire: someone get me a glass of water or vodka I don’t really care at this point
Bahorel: so like, if I ACCIDENTALLY HYPOTHETICALLY smoked weed in the bathroom during lunch, would you be able to tell and would I get suspended?
Joly: Your germs are racist but that doesn’t mean they won’t kill me anyway
Cosette: Where did my flannel go? PEOPLE ARE GONNA THINK I’M NO LONGER GAY
i stroll into heaven straight chillin and i look around. i know he is here. i must find him. i must ask him the question that has haunted me all my life.
when i finally find him, victor hugo, i walk up and take him roughly by the lapels.
“COMMENT S’APPELLAIENT-ILS, LES AMIS DE L’ABC? DISEZ-MOI MONSIEUR JE VOUS EN PRIE!“ he looks at this screaming lady, baffled. "JE DOIS SAVOIR MONSIEUR HUGO,” i implore.
he sighs gently and pats my hand.
“ils s’appellaient jean.”
“… les tous?”
“les tous, mon enfant.”
“vous etes le pire, monsieur hugo,” i spit bitterly, and let forth a cry that shakes the heavens: “THEY WERE ALL NAMED JEAN”
Grantaire: Where’s all the wine? I can’t sit through one of these things sober.
Bossuet: We put the wine where you were before you met Enjolras.
Grantaire:
Grantaire: [opens the closet]
Grantaire: Oh ha ha. Hilaaarious, guys.
Thinking les amis is a gay cult when courf first brings him to a meeting
grantaire tries to convince him its true
“have u ever met a gay person in your life marius” “..no?” “marius , me, your own room mate, is gay”
“i thought all the rainbows just meant u liked colors a lot”
literally the densest person on this earth
asked jehan if they were a boy or a girl and then was so embarrassed that he didnt talk to them for three weeks
called grantaire monsieur grantaire and grantaire just laid down on the floor
tried to call everyone monsieur or sir to be polite
half worried that being in this gay cult will make him gay
“for the love of god marius we are not a gay cult no grantaire we a re no t!!!”
once he feels comfortable with you hes the most affectionate person youve ever met
loves courfeyrac so much
would die for courfeyrac
once found courfeyrac asleep on the couch in his underwear after playing animal crossing
panicked bc he didnt know how to save his game for him
once got a bloody nose from enjolras because he thought he was cosette
kind of afraid of enjolras
has to ask courf what a blowjob is
which leads to courf giving him a very detailed sex talk
he doesnt look courfeyrac in the eye for a month afterwards
meets cosette bc grantaire wouldnt get off the floor after he called him monsieur and joly had to call in the professionals
just kind of stared at her
does not know how to act in any social situation whatsoever
at all
sometimes courf wakes up to marius next to him curled up in his blanket (he brought his own with him so he wouldnt have to wake courf up getting under his)
I’d forgotten that Combeferre just PEACES OUT OF THE ROOM immediately after murdering Marius in cold blood with “to be free” and deals his musical final blow FROM THE STAIRS.
(I had not forgotten that Enjolras tag teams with “Citizen, my mother is the Republic,” but it will NEVER NOT BE HILARIOUS and I will use any excuse to mention it again.)
The fact that everybody else leaves too, leaving Enjolras alone with Marius as Combeferre-whisperer, only strengthens my assumption that they have an official protocol for Combeferre comebacks.
¯_( ಠ_ಠ)_/¯ 