i get so mad when people, esp. straight people, question my queer readings like “well you think he’s bi but you don’t have any evidence” like ok you wanna play that game show me evidence of your straightness i want a 5 page paper double spaced w/ citations and a works cited in MLA format on my desk tomorrow morning
Seventeen things you have to learn for yourself
as a Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning, Intersex, Asexual, Pansexual
or otherwise Queer youth
by the time you are seventeen.
One is that the first Pride was a riot
I don’t mean that it was full of laughter, or that it was some grand party
where everyone spiraled up to dance among the stars
because the only glittering that night
was broken glass on cobblestones.
The first Pride was a riot
on the backstreets of New York
and they never tell us
that night
we won.
The only protest
in a decade full of turmoil
where the cops had to hide out in the bar they raided
and run from shouting rioters
who fought to reclaim the only patch of ground they had ever claimed as theirs
the first Pride was a riot,
and two, around the same time it took place
it was a debated topic in the gay community
whether or not they should say
that they weren’t mentally ill
which, three, homosexuality was removed
from the American Psychiatric Association’s list of mental illnesses
in 1974
congratulations
all it took was a vote to declare that, whoops, we were never mentally ill
except, four, there are still teenagers being tortured today
in what some dare blaspheme as “therapy”
used to destroy their self-identity
in the hopes of making them normal.
except, four, the queer community still carries overwhelmingly high rates for poverty and homelessness and depression.
Did you know that, five,
over half the children forced into conversion therapy
commit suicide?
And six, that lesbians
were regarded as “hangers-on”
of the movement
by much of the gay community
before the AIDS crisis?
Because it turns out, seven can wear a rainbow on your shirt
and still be a bigot.
There are people who stick rainbows in their ears
or wear them on their fingers
or slap them across their cheeks in badges of defiance
and will still hate you for the color of your skin
or the size of your thighs
or your gender
or the way you like to kiss two or more genders
or none of the above.
Don’t ask me why this happens
it just does
I think it might be that we’ve all been taught to hate ourselves
for so damn long
that we don’t understand what to do
in a space with no hate.
Or maybe it’s that the space seems too small, because
eight, there are people who will tell you that you are not enough
that you do not reach the magical benchmark of “gay enough” to pass through the gate even
especially
when you are some flavor of the rainbow other than straight-out gay.
eight, this is bullshit
eight, those people are bullshit.
eight, you are enough.
eight, there is always enough room.
nine, there is no overarching “homosexual agenda”
sorry
we’re all kind of flailing along in here trying to figure out some way to make it work
when most of us have nothing in common
except that society looked at us in different ways and decided we didn’t fit
so we could all go be misfits together
under one big rainbow flag
but just so you know, ten, there are plenty of other flags
there is one for you, I promise
and eleven, misfits may not all need the same things
but we need to stick together, especially in a world where
twelve—refer to point seven—there are lesbians who hate other lesbians
for having the audacity to be born in a body
that everyone looked at and saw “boy”
which brings me to
thirteen, there is so much to understand.
fourteen, you need to understand
because we need to stick together
and to stick together we do not have to be the same but we do have to understand
and it will be hard because
you were probably thrown into this world with no warning because
fifteen, being queer is not genetic and we are not unique among minorities
in that we collect our heritage through broken bits of history and research in a world constantly working to make those misfit bits go away
but we are unique in that when we try to prove our legacy
we can be laughed down
or re-erased
or flat out ignored
but I swear to you
you have a history as old as Alexander the Great
as beautiful as Sappho
as dignified as Abraham Lincoln
and as proud as Eleanor Roosevelt.
But even with that behind us
sixteen,
they have always watched us die.
because even though the bystander effect is bullshit, sixteen
Kitty Genovese was a lesbian, sixteen
Ronald Reagan is a mass murderer, sixteen
our children, your brothers and sisters and siblings of all stripes and all colors and sexualities and genders are being murdered
through neglect
and rejection
and hate.
Sixteen, there is an entire generation of gay and bisexual men
missing from history
because the government chose to do nothing
when they were dying by the thousands.
sixteen, we died from the disease and died from going back into the closet and died for staying there and died for coming out,
sixteen, they laughed at us because they believed god was punishing us for daring to love,
sixteen, ashes of your forerunners rest on the lawn of the White House because
SIXTEEN, THEY HAVE ALWAYS WATCHED US DIE.
SEVENTEEN
you are allowed
to be angry.
You do not have to be one of the nice gays
or one of the nice trannies
or sweet or kind or educate the rest of the world in something less than a yell
you are allowed to be so furious it scalds your bones
at the way we are forgotten
and passed over
at the way, as soon as June becomes July
we are expected
to go back to dying in silence
and mourning our dead
and kissing all alone
when no one can be offended
at the sight of us.
You are allowed to be angry
and scream down the stars
to shatter like broken glass at your feet
because you know what?
The first Pride
was a riot.
Aromanticism can be really hard to figure out, especially since we’re often not sure what “romantic attraction” is supposed to be, so I made a list of things I’ve often seen in myself and other aromantic-spectrum people.
These are just generalizations. They won’t apply to every aromantic-spectrum person; and some non-aromantic people will have some of these things, too. Some of the list items are contradictory. Having any of the experiences listed below is not proof that you’re aromantic, nor are you any less aromantic if few of them apply to you. But if you’ve been trying to figure out your romantic orientation, and a lot of these sound really familiar to you…then it may mean something.
When you discovered the word “aromantic,” it felt like something finally clicked into place for you.
Identifying as aromantic makes you feel relieved, free, happy, or more like yourself.
When you discovered the concept of a “squish” suddenly a lot of things made more sense to you.
You have trouble telling the difference between romantic and friendly feelings.
You’ve never had a crush on someone, or fallen in love.
You’re not sure if you’ve ever had a crush on someone or fallen in love.
You have trouble telling the difference between a crush and a squish, or between romantic and aesthetic/sexual/sensual attraction.
You have doubted whether crushes or love really exist, or if they’re just cultural constructs.
You find romance boring, annoying or upsetting when it appears in fiction, even if it’s written well.
You once thought that having a crush on someone meant you admired them or really wanted to be their friend.
You thought crushes were something you consciously decided to have, and selected an acquaintance or celebrity to be your crush, because everyone else was doing it.
You forgot which acquaintance or celebrity you were supposed to have a crush on.
If you’re not asexual, a “friends with benefits” relationship sounds ideal to you.
You have trouble relating, or feeling involved, when your friends discuss their romantic relationships or romantic feelings.
Falling in love doesn’t seem very exciting to you.
You don’t understand why other people make such a big deal out of having crushes or falling in love.
You don’t understand why people do ridiculous, irrational or over-the-top things in the name of love.
You don’t understand why finding someone sexually/aesthetically attractive would lead you to want a committed relationship with them.
Or, maybe you sort of understand those things in an abstract way, but you can’t really relate to them.
You have never had a romantic relationship – not because you couldn’t get one, but because you just never really bothered to try, or you liked being single better.
When a romantic relationship gets serious, it makes you feel cold, distant or uncomfortable.
Getting a romantic partner feels more like fulfilling an obligation, or something you’re supposed to do, than something you’re really enthusiastic about.
Your romantic partners always seem to be way more into the lovey-dovey stuff than you are.
A likable person suggests having a romantic relationship with you, and you’re indifferent to it – you’re open to trying it, but you won’t get disappointed without it. Other people may find your indifference bizarre or think you’re giving off mixed messages.
You have felt guilty about not loving your romantic partner as much as they loved you, even though you sincerely cared about them and wanted to love them back.
You have felt suffocated, repressed or tense in a romantic relationship, even though you really liked your partner and they hadn’t done anything wrong.
When your last romantic relationship ended, you felt relieved and free more than you felt sad, even if your partner broke it off, and even if you liked them very much as a person.
You’re more excited by making a new best friend than by falling in love.
You wouldn’t mind marrying your best friend and spending your life with them, even though you’re not in love with them.
You’d rather spend Friday night having a sleepover party with your buddies than going out on a date.
You want a best friend much more than you want a romantic relationship.
It’s not so much the idea of being single forever that bothers you, so much as being alone or unwanted.
You are either oblivious to other people flirting with you, or feel uncomfortable or threatened by it.
You are sometimes perceived as flirtatious when you only meant to be friendly.
You live in a large community and see or meet hundreds of people around your age every year, but none of them have ever stirred romantic feelings in you.
You recognize whether something is romantic or not by comparing it to other gestures, words and signals that your culture has taught you are romantic, rather than “feeling” the romance of it intuitively.
When you say or do romantic things, it feels like you’re following a script or copying romantic things you’ve seen elsewhere, rather than something spontaneous and natural to you.
When thinking about what sort of person you’d want to date, your criteria are identical to what you would want from a best friend.
The main benefit you get from a romantic relationship is either platonic, sensual, sexual, or a combination of those; the romantic aspect is okay but it’s not really the part you like most.
You have trouble imagining romantic activities that you would enjoy, unless those activities are also fun or interesting for you on a platonic or intellectual level.
You feel like your closest friends and/or queerplatonic partners are better at fulfilling your emotional needs than romantic partners would be.
You would rather be huggy, cuddly or emotionally intimate with all of your friends instead of reserving your intimacy for just one person.
You would rather have a queerplatonic relationship than a typical romantic relationship.
You don’t feel as if you’re missing anything in your life right now; having a romantic partner might be nice, but you don’t need it or seek it out.
The idea of being single forever sounds awesome to you.
You enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled “romantic,” but at no point during them do you actually feel attracted to whoever you’re with.
You don’t enoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled romantic, either because the romance aspect bothers you, or because all of them are just plain unappealing to you.
You avoid going places where people are likely to flirt with you, such as bars, parties, nightclubs, and concerts.
You’re not sure why other people enjoy romantic stories; you usually just find the lead characters to be annoying, boring or dysfunctional.
You like the idea of having a big wedding celebration more than the idea of actually marrying someone.
Ace culture is laying in bed at midnight every Wednesday having a crisis because you don’t know what does and doesn’t count as attraction and if you’ve ever felt it before because that shit makes no sense and is confusing as heck.
figuring out you’re asexual is like trying to find a nonexistent needle in a very large haystack except people keep trying to convince you that you’re just not looking hard enough or you’ll find the right needle eventually but the needle just isn’t there and yet everyone else’s is and then you wonder whether or not you actually have a needle and then you spot something that might be a needle but nope it’s just another hay strand and everything is confusing and now the haystack is on fire
I wonder if lgbt people’s love for elves is that strong bc it was our only way to play gender nonconfirming characters. Even when we didn’t know that its even a thing.
Some basic fantasy rpg in 2003: theres not much difference between male and female elves physique. Also women can fight and men can have long hair. Not like us normal humans amiright! Wink wonk
10 old me: SLAMS PLAY ELF BUTTON
Additional game theory: many LGBT people in their adult lives switch over to loving dwarves because they are also gender nonconforming but in the less “acceptable” way (Not the tall, skinny, femme-androgynous type society considers the “good” androgyne) and instead explore the more masculine/“low effort” form of GNC (less lithe/More body fat, body hair on femme individuals, loud/unashamed behavior) which we were too insecure to explore in our adolescence
¯_( ಠ_ಠ)_/¯ 